Reply to My Mom favors my sister-how to deal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you think that parental love should be unconditional?  What if you are a criminal?  What if you are Jeffery Dahmer?  It is easier to love a child who is a nice person than a child who is a trouble-maker.  You did everything that broke her heart - alcholol, sex, what not - and now you want her to connect with you in what way?

There are all kinds of griefs where children are concerned.  When people don't have children they grieve, when people lose their child they grieve, and when people have children who are trouble makers they grieve.   She has distanced herself from you because you will drag her down.  That is just the way you have trained her to cope with you.  So, you are getting the parent you deserve.    [/quote]

Or.. because the OP looks like her father, who abandoned the mother, the mother treated the OP less favorably than the sister, resulting in the OP's poor behavior. Teen brains cannot process information logically, therefore a teen who is acting out, is most likely acting out due to environmental stressors. The OP is not getting the parent she deserves. Everyone deserves a good parent. The parent got the daughter she created and is now rejecting that daughter because OP reminds her of her ex husband. Children don't just randomly grow up to become criminals or serial killers. There is usually a lack of parenting or negative parenting that either slowly builds a criminal or creates a turning point or a snapping point to create a serial killer. Serial killers usually have incredibly pathological mother issues. Criminals usually have absent parents, or parents who did not step in to tell them they were wrong when the child stole an eraser in 3rd grade, leading to greater and greater criminal acts.

OP was so obviously acting out as a teen and young adult because she could always sense the dislike from her mother and her young brain could not process it logically.

Ultimately though, the real issue here is the ex husband. He destroyed his family by leaving and through substance abuse. He destroyed his ex wife's love for her daughter who resembled him by teaching his ex wife through his actions that his face is not to be trusted. He destroyed his daughter by setting her up for failure in life.

Why are we always blaming mothers and leaving the father out of the equation?
Both mother and daughter are victims here.[/quote]

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