Reply to Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous]The real problem here (I think) is your husband criticizing you later for your actions. But, this is where you really need to evaluate the situation. Is it possible your husband was right and that you didn’t need to react the way you did? Or is he truly so conflict adverse that he will never have your back? Talking through the exact scenario with your therapist might give you and interesting third party opinion. You both might be “right” in some ways.

I have a husband that is unlikely to ever be an upstander. When his friends behave atrociously, he isn’t going to participate, but he also isn’t going to shut them down. So he ain’t going to say “stop ogling the waitress, she is your daughter’ age”, but he will definitely try to change the subject and he spends less and less time with people that don’t share his values. Although he also would never, ever truly cut someone off. I will be honest, it drives me insane. But is don’t view this as some weird statement about masculinity. Some people are just more willing to take on controversy with others.

On the other hand, in our conversations about how we might handle certain situations, I think he can be an overreactor. And he gets super frustrated with me when I don’t 100% “have his back, see his side, etc”. So he tried to demand pretty high loyalty from me. My response to this is always “don’t ask my opinion if you don’t actually want to hear it.” At this point, it is really just a joke between the two of us.

But I still think it would be crazy to divorce over this. And the main problem here is your perverse definition on masculinity. You should reflect on this with your own therapist.[/quote]

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