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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Consider this. We are all one accident or one debilitating illness away from long-term care ourselves.

If you have not spent time in a long-term care facility (whether it's assisted living or nursing home) then you may not be aware that there are people in them who are in their 20s, 30s and 40s.  Some are vehicle accident victims who are paralyzed or brain damaged. Some developed an illness which impacted their mobility and ability for self-care.

What would YOU want in a case like this? If you are in your 40s and have an accident tomorrow which leaves you physically incapacitated (but mentally acute) what kind of care would you want as a human being?

That's the crux of the issue. It's not whether or not someone is old, young, nice, mean or oblivious.  We as a country need to examine this issue and determine our way forward. How do we want to treat other human beings in this condition?

But because it is scary and makes people fearful, we simply are not having that conversation. [/quote]

Not OP, but having spend almost a decade on eldercare ups downs, emergencies, tantrums, diasters, etc I would want to be in a facility. I would not do to my children or husband what has been done to me ever. I would want them to enjoy visits with me and not feel burned out.

Most of the people I know who were actively involved in challenging eldercare that went on for a long went to a CCRC because they didn't want to abuse their children that way and it worked out well. The elders who always had excuses to do less and weren't that involved or just lost a parent peacefully in sleep one day, are the ones who don't see the big deal about aging in place.

One of my kids has special needs. I think before we worry about our elders are treated we need to look at how hard it is from birth onward for parents of kids with special needs and we need to offer so many support services. Once we can care properly for our young children with disabilities and illnesses then we can worry about 96 year old elders not getting luxury care.[/quote]

You're missing the point. We should be able to do both. And no one here is talking about luxury care for 96 year olds so you can stop with the hyperbole. Getting a urine-soaked diaper changed after 8 hours of sitting in it isn't exactly pampering, is it?  At least it isn't in most people's minds.

We have special needs children in our family who are picked up by a special bus, taken to a program during the day where they are cared for, educated and socialized.  They have case managers who have oversight and discuss resources and plans with the family. Why can't the same be done for elderly people?

Remember that special needs children grow up to be special needs adults. How do you want them to be cared for? [/quote]

^ BTW you seem to be basing your opinion on your own situation which seems like it meant dealing with an abusive elder.  That's understandable but it doesn't reflect every situation. There are many, many families who would be willing to be more involved with home-based or alternative care if they simply had the resources they needed.

There are others, like you, who are fine with being institutionalized.  My only advice would be to make sure you have it in writing that your family puts you into one at the first signs of difficulty.

You could be one car accident away from a brain injury or other debilitating physical condition and despite your pleas to come home, ensure they feel no guilt when you are sent to a nursing home. [/quote]

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