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[quote=Anonymous]Not a SWS parent, but this did provoke the following thought:

One of the take-aways I've gotten (I'm white) from the last few years is that it is important for white people to talk about race and racism. Especially as parents. I don't mean to self-flagellate about our own privilege, but just to talk about it. I remember reading a study about how when white parents read books with race issues in them to their kids (like a book where characters are different races, or even a book where characters get treated differently because of their race) white parents will go out of their way to avoid addressing race. They'll say things like "yeah, it's not fair that the other kids made fun of Timmy -- we should treat everyone equally and with kindness." But without actually saying "Timmy is black" or "Yeah, when the white kids exclude Timmy because of the color of his skin, that's racism." Whereas POC reading the same books to their kids will absolutely just say those things. White people have a tendency to dance around these subjects, speak vaguely, and get uncomfortable.

So okay, white people need to talk about race. BUT if you are white person in your 30s and 40s with kids, you didn't grow up talking about race in this way. You might stumble through it a bit when talking to your own kids because you don't have a vocabulary or framework for it. You probably have your own issues to work through. You might go looking for organizations and resources that will help you figure this out.

But here's another problem you run into: organizations that address race and racism are usually created by and for POC, for obvious reasons. If you show up to these groups as a white person, one thing you risk is becoming the white person who is like "ok lets talk about MY problems now." We all know how that looks, and also how it would go. As a white person who has joined groups like this, one thing I've learned is that you need to listen more than you talk. Yes, there are conversations about "how to be an ally" but it's more unidirectional. You might get good ideas for how to be an ally to the POC in your life, but you won't necessarily get good advice for how to get over your own hangups about talking more directly about race, or what to do if your 3yo kid expresses a racist idea (which guess what, does happen, and it is very taboo to talk about because everyone assumes it means the parents are saying racist stuff, but consider that if kids will say stuff like "I don't want to play with boys, only girls like me" they will also say stuff like "I only want to play with light skinned kids, like me"). These environments are not always great practical resources for white parents because they are rightfully focused on the needs of POC.

So the question is: where do you go then? You need to talk about race, but as a white person, diverse spaces are not always very interested in talking about the issues and challenges you have around race. Thus: a white affinity group that will talk about race. Ideally a group like this would NOT be about self-flagellation and talking about how privileged we are and posturing about how woke we can be. It would be an actual support group where you could do things like discuss the challenge of learning to talk about race with your kids when race was rarely discussed in your home growing up. Or even to discuss your discomfort around race issues in diverse environments because of fears of stepping in it (a normal fear shared by lots of white people! worth discussing). To share practical tips on how to discuss race with your kids or how to handle situations unique to white parents, like when your white kid asks if they can get their hair braided and beaded, or how to talk about slavery in age appropriate ways so that your child understands the role it has played in history and in the country, but in a way they can understand for their developmental age.

I think there would be a lot of value in white affinity groups in DC schools. Part of me wishes my school, which is 90%+ black, had one because I often feel like a fish out of water and it would be useful to compare notes with other white parents to see if we can help each other do better.

But the optics of wanting to get together with other white parents to discuss the experience of parenting white kids in diverse schools... suck. And it's too bad, because I actually think this is something we need to do. If you are criticizing this idea, ask exactly why. I think there is value in it.[/quote]

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