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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a family member who is super left and married to someone moderately right (libertarian, conservative anti-trumper). They work it out somehow-and sometimes their views overlap, they are both free speech advocates for example. [b]She has lost a significant number of friendships-either because people cut ties with her because of him or because they said negative things about him and she cut them off.[/b] [/quote]

Wow. I'm sorry re: the bold. How narrow-minded of her so-called friends. Unless the DH is somehow intruding into her friendships or making super conservative comments to her friends to bait them, etc., why would they end friendships with HER "because of him"? As a lifelong lefty myself, I do have a few friends who are themselves conservatives; we have other things to talk about besides politics. And I'm sad to think your family member's friends would have just assumed she was heading to the right, or somehow was less sincerely liberal, just because she loves someone who doesn't have identical beliefs. I bet that these people who might denigrate a "mixed" political marriage as wrong would also applaud an interfaith marriage as progressive! Hypocritical and not a good look at all for us liberals. Yes, I'm the wife of the law enforcement DH in a post above. Never lost friends over him, though some were puzzled I'd marry an LEO. So was I! [/quote]

This isn’t how it really works.  What happens is that [u]the conservative DH merely refrains from making the affirmative statements endorsing the progressive cause du jour,[/u] this creates suspicion, there’s more pressure to conform, the DH doesn’t do it, and then you have an issue not of your making.  At least, that’s my “lived experience” as a moderate conservative in this part of the world.  [/quote]

Are you the DH in your scenario? Use of the phrase "progressive cause [i]du jour[/i]" is indeed cause for some suspicion; it's dismissive and belittling. But you know that already.

If you and your progressive spouse cannot have civilzed conversations, if you feel you somehow are expected to make only "affirmative statements" to your more liberal spouse, well, you both are poor communicators, and that problem crosses all political boundaries. If you can't say what you actually think, and your spouse can't tolerate hearing what you think, you both need counseling or at least a better communication style. The issue is "of your making" when you clam up because you feel you're being expected to say certain things. It's also of your spouse's making if your spouse pressures you to conform. What a miserable way to live, never having real discussions and letting silences fester. [/quote]

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