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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your parents have been the problem and they were never uninvited. But now that your ILs are not just taking their crap, your solution is to exclude all of them?  Your ILs got pushed to this point because you can't/won't deal with your toxic parents. It is your choice to accept your parents' bad behavior but your ILs aren't required to do so. The ILs are not in the wrong because they refuse the be mistreated.

It's almost like you are the victim of abuse and now angry because others won't silently accept the abuse as well. I have a very good friend whose DH is a complete jerk. To her and also to the rest of us when he drinks. She tries to calm him and she make ls excuses for him but we--her close circle of friends--told her that he is no longer welcome at our group gatherings. We love her but we can no longer watch her DH act rudely to her or others. She is angry and blaming us for escalating things. Your situation seems similar.[/quote]

I’ve been in a similar situation to OP. I let my parents get away with a lot because I was used to putting up with their crap. When MIL pushed back and I started standing up to my parents more, I realized how messed up it was that they were so poorly behaved and there were no consequences. At first I was really irritated at MIL, but she was right, and it sounds like OP’s is too, at least to some extent. [/quote]

This right here.
OP, you aren't angry at your MIL, you are angry at yourself and your parents. Go ahead and let it out! Tell your mom exactly what you think![/quote]

PP here. It’s really hard to come to terms with, and I get why OP doesn’t want to. This, along with many other things, all hit me around the same time and made me realize my parents had been severely abusive, mostly emotionally and verbally, but also physically, and that I was an abuse survivor turned enabler. It seems like it would be obvious if you’re being abused, but when it’s your normal, it doesn’t seem abusive. It’s not a fun thing to come to terms with. And then when you realize your adult role in this relationship, that you’re exposing your kids to them (even if they haven’t abused your kids there’s a chance they could start, especially the emotional abuse and manipulation), and that you’re covering for them and trying to smooth things over when they bully and abuse other people, it sucks. When I admitted my MIL is right, that’s the truth I had to face.

If OP’s situation is like mine, and from what I’ve read there are similarities, she might not be ready to tackle that. It’s a lot. And if OP is like me, used to being the person who takes a lot of crap for everyone and dealing with it silently without taking time for self care, she might not know how to stand up to her parents without hurting herself too. I had to work through it with a therapist and learn that it’s okay to stand up for myself, to stand up to bullies and abusers rather than enable them. It’s hard. If that’s how it is for OP, she has my sympathy and support. [/quote]

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