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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi; not really asking for advice here, but looking to vent. My father (90, widower) suffered a dramatic decline in health and cognition in the fall after living independently his entire life. He had to be cared for 24/7 and needed assistance with all activities of daily living. He uses a wheelchair and is completely incontinent and unable to feed himself. For a time, I had home health nurses coming in, but they proved too expensive (ca. 25,000/month through an agency for 24/7 care) and we were burning through his savings. I'm an only child and could not become his caretaker, as my family depends on my income and I have small children to care for. So, a nursing facility was the only answer.

He's suffered a further dramatic decline in cognition since making the move to nursing last month. He's miserable but can't tell me what, specifically, he needs. He's been diagnosed with bladder cancer and is on hospice. I visit every day, and I'm assured that the facility is taking good care of him. But every time I see him, he asks to die, asks for help with dying, says "I can't do this" and asks to go home, and so on. (There is no longer a home for him to go to: to pay for the facility, I've had to put his house on the market.) Every visit to him is a parade of terribleness.

I'm struggling with guilt, grief, horror, anger, the whole nine yards. Hospice has been of little assistance since he moved to the facility, too. It all feels like it's "on me": I have no siblings to vent to; I have to tuck the ugly emotions under my hat when I'm at home with my family and small kids; and friends don't really want to hear about the horror that end-of-life care can be. I just feel awful, and I'm feeling guilty about hoping this all ends soon. Anyone else been in a similar situation?[/quote]Yes, it’s a tough position to be in.  Many, many of us have or will experience this end of life with someone close.  It sucks.  You have to be strong.  I’ll say a prayer for you.  Virtual 🤗 hug.  [/quote]

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