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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think I understand why OP is upset. It's the disparity at how the grandchildren are treated. Her ILs are spending all this time with one set of grandchildren but not the others. I also think OP is exhausted, she is trying to get her point across, to ask people who are supposed to be her closest family to help her, and she gets polite rebuffs. The whole "send me your children's pictures" is such fake "grandparenting".

OP, I would mute them. Don't let them get to you. Plan your life without them, it's actually better that way. You won't owe them a thing so when they are infirm, they can rely on SIL and her children. Consider yourself off the hook.[/quote]

Why is this such a shock to women? Maternal grandparents tend to be closer to their daughter's children. This is true in my family and so many others. OP moved away from her parents and lost that support. OP and her husband also don't live near the in-laws. It's very rare that the in-laws will step in and fill that void that OP is missing out with her own parents, never mind the geographical distance. If you want that kind of family support and closeness you, living near family is usually a prerequisite. [/quote]

There’s physical support - like picking up the kids, watching them for a weekend - and emotional support.  OP isn’t getting either.  I was raised in a military family and we were sent all over the world.  But I can assure you that the grandparents were a part of my life, if not physically.  They would send us presents, tape themselves reading books for us, and of course make phone calls.  They surely would have called my mom if one of us was battling covid!  These grandparents are just completely disinterested.  Nothing to be done but accept it and move on, but we can all acknowledge it sucks for OP and her kids that the grandparents don’t seem to want to have a relationship.[/quote]

We don't know the full story here. What is the background between OP and the in-laws and how good is the son's relationship with his parents? There's a lot left out here. But a confrontation isn't going to fix it, OP just needs to throw money at the problem if the problem is just that she's overwhelmed and needs a break. The ILs never signed up to help out for whatever reason that we may not know. Maybe they don't feel comfortable visiting her while their son is away because of the history.[/quote]

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