Reply to if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Even if you are divorcing because of the affair, there is no reason to tell the children the reasons for the divorce![/quote]
That was my plan. Each of my children independently asked me if other parent cheated. I’ve said no because STBX claimed it was only an emotional affair, but there’s certainly circumstantial evidence that suggests it was more than that. Because I was asked repeatedly by each child, I simply said other parent wanted to be free to start dating again. I’ve assured the kids that other parent’s new partner had nothing to do with the demise of our marriage. I just leave out the part about a different person factoring heavily into it.[/quote]

Why protect the cheater??

Don't you think your kids have a right to know if they "role model" in fact lacks all integrity?[/quote]

He didn't betray them, he betrayed you. It's not your job to smear the other parent. Just as it isn't his job to say honest things about your relationship too (wouldn't have sex with him, etc). Thise facts are not relevant to the parent-child relationship.[/quote]

OF COURSE HE BETRAYED HIS CHILDREN TOO. If the family broke up as a result of him having sex outside the marriage, don't kid yourself that his actions did not have cataclysmic consequences for the children.

You are really try to minimize/comparmentalize the damage caused by affairs. They are not confined to the bedroom.[/quote]

Technically that person decided to leave / break up the marriage over the affair. There is nothing to say that you have to do that. Back in the day no one left over affairs. Really telling the kids is about relieving yourself of guilt over the breakup of their home. It's just not going to be good no matter what the reason is.

I think it's ok to talk in platitudes to kids about what a good relationship looks like, [i]but what lesson is there to learn from this? [/i][b]Don't cheat on someone, sure, but in all likelihood the marriage was over before the affair or this person was a bad apple and yet you couldn't see it. But you expect your kids to learn from it? Yes, be sure to divorce before you have an affair?[/quote]

Behave in a way that you’re not ashamed to be honest with your children about. [/quote]

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