Reply to if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?

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Reply to "if you or your spouse cheated- how did you tell the kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote][b]Technically that person decided to leave / break up the marriage over the affair.[/b] There is nothing to say that you have to do that. Back in the day no one left over affairs. Really telling the kids is about relieving yourself of guilt over the breakup of their home. It's just not going to be good no matter what the reason is.

I think it's ok to talk in platitudes to kids about what a good relationship looks like, but what lesson is there to learn from this? Don't cheat on someone, sure, but in all likelihood the marriage was over before the affair or this person was a bad apple and yet you couldn't see it. But you expect your kids to learn from it? Yes, be sure to divorce before you have an affair?[/quote]

The bolded is so much blame-shifting and a DARVO tactic.  You are either a cheater or a cheater's apologist. And it's absolutely not true that it's "not going to be good no matter what the reason is."  Again, that's what a cheater wants you to believe.  But an older child might resent the non-cheating parent when they find out or figure out the truth, or someone else accidentally clues them in.  When the cheating parent immediately shows up with the AP, or even if they manage to hide the AP from the kid for a while but then introduces the AP who the kid knew as a co-worker or neighbor or parent of a friend, many kids will suss out the truth themselves.  It's not the responsibility of the non-cheating parent to keep secrets for the cheater.[/quote]

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