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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have never been sexually attracted to my husband. I spent 7 years with the hottest man on the planet with amazing sex, but he didn't want kids or to settle down. It killed me to end it.  I dated along and then found my husband, who was an old friend from college. He is literally the best guy I've ever known. Completely kind, devoted, funny, the whole package - except he's kind of fat and hairy and just not "it" for me. He's not ugly, just not attractive. And he's not great in bed.

We've figured it out. He gets me to orgasm with his hand, we have sex for 5-10 min, and it's over. Then the rest of the time, he's an unbelievable father and partner and gets along great with all of our neighbor guys. It's a perfect life other than the sex. And that he doesn't make enough money.  But for me, it's worth the trade off.

I try not to think about drinking wine naked with my professional athlete ex.[/quote]

Change a few details and this could be me. Except right when "friend" changed to "lover" I had been out of a relationship for ages. Looking back I can see that desperation for intimacy and sheer sexual frustration overrode sexual incompatibilities that have magnified over time. I wonder a lot how I could have made such a fundamental mistake--it's sort of like a dream. And as his long-time friend, I hate that he has to be married to me instead of someone who would appreciate him sexually.[/quote]

Do your DH's have any idea that this is how you felt about them when you got married?  It seems like a pretty significant thing not to have discussed with them.  I certainly would not have married my DW if she had told me something like this in advance, and it seems pretty unfair to condemn such good guys to mediocre sex for life without giving them a chance to make their own decision about it.    [/quote]

No, mine doesn't. Because at the time I wasn't feeling this way, I was hot for him. It's only looking back that I can see more clearly what was going on. I wouldn't have married him and wouldn't have expected him to marry me knowing what I know now. To be fair, he was also in a different frame of mind otherwise he might have seen it as well. In any event, as I said, I know it's totally unfair to condemn him to less sex than he wants (it's not so much that it's mediocre for him as much as it's 1x/week max) but does have the ability to make a decision about it himself. I have to figure out how to rekindle some kind of passion or I'm sure one day he will.[/quote]

It may be more mediocre to him than you think, it is pretty easy to tell when your DW is just going through the motions and views sex as a chore.  A tough issue.  [/quote]

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