Reply to 18-year-old DD doesn’t think she has to listen to us anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]High school is over in what, 3-3.5 months?  I wouldn’t drive her away over a reluctance to do chores.  I suspect it’s more that she wants to be treated like an adult rather than you running the show.  Why not take the time before college to bring her in on the planning and decision-making…deciding what’s for dinner, when to grocery shop, when to eat out, when/where/how long to go on vacation?  Being an adult isn’t all paying bills, it’s getting to decide which bills to take on.  There’s a tremendous freedom in that.[/quote]
That's true, but being an adult also means doing your damn chores.  Especially if you have a roommate/housemate, you need to help maintain the living space.  I'm fine with letting older teens have more input, but being an adult doesn't mean you don't have to treat others with consideration.  10 pm curfew on school nights is totally reasonable.  Other people in the house have to get up for work/school; you coming in really late is disruptive.  And nothing good is happening at midnight on a Tuesday.  [/quote]

I think this is actually your solution. Accept her argument that she is an adult and you can't force her to do anything. Start identifying challenges that you need to solve together and negotiate as you would with an adult living in your home. If she moves in with this other girl (whose life sounds sad, poor kid) the roommate certainly won't be doing her dishes or cleaning up after her!

Also, OP have you really dug in to understand why your kid has gone through this change? I was a good kid who at some point decided that my parents had no control-that was in response to some pretty deep dysfunction that they would not acknowledge. That may not be the case in your household, but if your goal is to have a good relationship with your child, I do think you want to dig deeper and really listen.[/quote]

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