Reply to The golden handcuffs of biglaw

Forum Index » Jobs and Careers

Reply to "The golden handcuffs of biglaw"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ Don't you regret missing all that time with your family?  I dunno, early retirement is great and I'm all a out it but it seems like you paid a heavy price for it.  [/quote]

NP. I second this, but I wonder if the truth is that PP probably came from a background where dad went out to work and provided resources for the family, and didn't get much more involved. I think a lot of guys of his generation and older were like that. So early retirement is more about himself and getting to do things he wants to do. So trading time with one's family when young for time for an early retirement that's probably focused on himself.

I think there is a generational shift happening where guys want to be much more involved with their kids. I know I do. Because I'm a government attorney, I get to WFH 4 days a week, eat lunch with my little girl at her school a couple of times a month, and I do things like Mystery Reader and chaperone. I spend all day Saturday and Sunday with her and my wife, and it's rare that either my wife and I have to work on weekends. Heaven on earth, my friends.

[/quote]

I'm the early retired partner.  I guess you didn't read my response.  I was not a "dad who went to work and didn't get much more involved."  Far from it.  One anecdote to illustrate the point:  the very first day of my job as an associate happened to coincide with my oldest kid's first day of first grade.  I told the firm I'd be late for new associate orientation because I wanted to be with my kid at the bus stop to see them off.  That's the tone I set.

When my kids were growing up I did virtually everything that you describe yourself now doing with your kid -- except the WFH part -- and I had four of them and not just one.  I made it work because it was important to me.  You don't know me or how involved I was or wasn't in my family upbringing, your generalization about my "generation's" approach to fatherhood is both inaccurate and even if it were accurate it doesn't apply to me specifically.  Bottom line:  Your choices are fine, you should feel confident about them, and you shouldn't feel the need to belittle mine or anyone else's to justify them.

[/quote]

I'm the PP. I understand what you are saying, but it is not physically possible for you to have worked the kinds of hours you would have had to work in a firm and be really present for four children, plus a spouse. It's just not. I spend every Sat and Sunday with my family...there's no way you could do that. I'm sure you did the best you could and I don't doubt that you believe it was sufficient. What you're really saying is that you found the time with your kids sufficient enough for you, because you also had this personal goal of early retirement...to live a life you enjoy as an empty nester. I'm not judging you, I'm simply stating the facts. To each his own. Many in my generation, including myself, are just not choosing that road. [/quote]

Respectfully, you’re stating the facts as you assume them to be, and your assumptions are largely inaccurate.  Take weekends, for example.  I rarely worked them.  How was I able to pull that off, you might ask?  In my case, I did it by taking on projects and clients and matters that were less desirable and harder to staff.  I made lots of compromises over the years in order to free up time with the family.  I also took every bit of vacation that I was entitled to, without exception, and made sure I was present when I was on it.

I’ve posted on here a lot, and have had lots to say about my time with Biglaw, but I’ve never suggested that the major issue for me was time taken away from family.  I wouldn’t have tolerated that.  In fact, the only reason why I was able to stand Biglaw for as long as I did was because somehow - maybe even miraculously? - by and large it didn’t destroy my ability to be a present parent.

Thinking about it, it might have simply been a matter of timing for me.  I mentioned that we married young and had kids young.  Three of my four kids were born before I even started working in Biglaw (one right after college, one in law school, one during my clerkship).  My fourth was born when I was 29 and I was still a junior associate.  So I was around my first three kids quite a bit in their formative years, and I wasn't about to do things differently with my fourth.

The typical associate gets through their education first, gets the Biglaw job, starts the grinds, then has kids and tries to fit them in.  I did the opposite.

Finally, addressing your comment that I retired “for me.”  I’m not sure what that means.  If you’re suggesting that I only retired for selfish reasons after spending a lifetime neglecting my family, that’s pretty harsh and uncalled for.  You’re honestly corresponding with someone who has always had the closest relationship with their family imaginable, and it didn’t happen by accident.  I hope you’re just as lucky, and I’m sure you will be, but don’t count your chucked just yet.  Your child is young and you still have a long way to go.  Check back with us in 20 or 30 years, ok?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics