Reply to How do you identify the “good guy”?

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Reply to "How do you identify the “good guy”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought I picked right. He went to the right schools, lived in a nice house, parents still together even if dysfunctional. He presented himself well, clean cut and preppy. He had a decent job upon graduation from graduate school. He was kind to his parents and animals and a loyal friend.

10 years later, hes had multiple mental breakdowns as he cannot apparently handle stress of adulthood, has had drinking problems and cheated on me.

What did I do wrong? [/quote]

What is your definition of a “good guy”? It seems the vast majority your requirements were about wealth and earning potential not about the quality of the man. Lot of bad people can be wealthy, clean cut, go to the right schools, have the right job, preppy, etc. [/quote]
Yup, this struck me too. OP was focused on superficial things.[/quote]

DP. Perhaps she was.

[b]But thread after thread, post after post, on DCUM in recent years has yammered about how women need to snag men who have specific (high) incomes, certain college degrees, certain types of career paths, etc. [/b]

There's a definite fixation among some women with income and lifestyle, since some posters talk about staying married only to maintain their lifestyle, at least until kids are gone. I am NOT saying OP was one of those people, at all. It sounds like she definitely had more than money in mind and he put on a very good "front" for the world.

But let's not pretend that at least on DCUM, there is a huge emphasis for some people on money, educational level, homes, "providing" for the family as yardsticks for marriage material. [/quote]

The part in bold:

Let’s not forget this is a DC-centered forum, so the problem is aggravated by DC culture.

Nevertheless, it exists elsewhere in the US, and I believe a major cause is social media, where everyone envies the “perfect life” their online “friends” post daily.

They compare their own real lives - their actual lives and struggles - to the FaceBook can ash they see.

Then they set impossible expectations for both their mates, and themselves.

It should not come as a surprise that FaceBook use is strongly associated with depression and other mental illnesses.[/quote]

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