Reply to SO's fam doesn't care about baby/there is no village

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't have a village either. Still don't. The hardest part is not letting resentment towards the people who didn't show up take over. It's okay to feel frustrated with family, in particular, who don't come through. I was really disappointed in my parents and my older sister, especially since I'd shown up for her when she became a mom. But you have to find a way to carry on for your kid.

I think I still kept thinking the village would show up for a few years. But then I got through those tough toddler years without it for the most part. I did develop some friendships with other parents, but it was mostly just to create community for my kid -- it's not like they were helping with childcare or something. Other people have their own problems, just like you. I've also encountered plenty of people who have lots of help from family and don't really get that I don't, which is fine but isolating.

Anyway, I feel like in the last year or so (my child is 5) I've just come to a place of acceptance. I value everyone who plays a role in my child's life -- teachers, coaches, babysitters, parents of classmates and friends. I appreciate my neighbors for just saying hello to my kid, making conversation, providing a sense of place and belonging. Is it the same as having close relationships with grandparents or aunts and uncles, having people who will provide real tangible support to help make your life work with childcare and all that? No but that doesn't mean it's not valuable. I take what I can get.

And then I just try to be the best parent I can. I hope to be able to be there for my kid if they start a family one day in the way that neither my family nor my ILs were. That's all I can do -- look forward, control the things I can control. Try to let go of the rest.[/quote]
You implicitly equate "village" with childcare.  A village is a community.  Mutual assistance is part of that, but not the whole of it.  [/quote]

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