Reply to at a loss as to how to make DH see reason...

Forum Index » Expectant and Postpartum Moms

Reply to "at a loss as to how to make DH see reason..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi everyone, OP here.  Thanks to everyone who replied, even those who think I'm selfish, because you could be right-it's hard to see through the hormones sometimes!  To those of you who are wondering why I posted again, it's because this has been an ongoing issue, and many people suggested I wait a while, then bring it up to DH again, when tempers had cooled.  When I brought up the compromise I got from the last post (parents stay in hotel, only visit throughout the day, don't necessarily visit in the hospital if I'm not feeling up to it), he wanted nothing to do with it.  He is obsessed with the idea of "fairness", and feels that if my mom is allowed to be here at night, his mom should be as well (in all fairness, if I don't want his parents at the hospital, I wouldn't have my parents there as well, although I feel like I should be able to, but I understand how he would feel that is not fair).  If his mom is not doing everything my mom is, my mom is getting "more time" with the baby.  I also tried to compromise and tell him I would only ask my mom to stay over at our house if I really felt like I needed help, but he still wouldn't hear of it-anything my mom does, his mom gets to do as well.

Now, it could be that I am very selfish, but honestly, his mom and I are not all that close, and I really don't want her to be trying to help in the middle of the night while I'm already stressed out from recovery, BFing, etc.  I am a very private person, and the idea of his parents, and his mom at night, being up in my business right after I am done giving birth is giving me hives.  I just feel like it's casting a pall over the whole birth.  FTR, I am fine if his parents come up, help out, run errands, etc (that has taken some time to adjust to, but I HAVE adjusted to it), but I just don't understand how HE can't understand that my body, hormones, and feelings are going to be going through some major shit and I'd like some damn privacy.  I guess, bottom line, I feel like he's placing his family above our family, his parents/mom above his wife, and that's very hurtful.

Thanks to those who were supportive and suggested counseling...I guess if I can't let this go, and it's as bad as I think it will be, then that is where we are headed :([/quote]

You are a spoiled, whining, high-maintenance adult brat.  Keep this attitude and where you are headed is for is Divorce Court.  You will shortly be 100% responsible for another totally, completely helpless human being who deserves to have an adult mother caring for it and you need to grow up.[/quote]

OP here, while I appreciate the posters who are at least trying to help, even if they think I'm unreasonable, you're just rude.  Instead of giving any kind of help, you just want to tear me down.  Please stop feeling so poisonous.

To the pp who asked: his parents don't want to be in the DR (ew to ANYONE besides DH on my part!), but are insisting that they come visit at the hospital.  Here is my compromise, as stated to DH:
-parents are called when I am admitted to hospital, they can come and stay at the hotel
-when I deliver, IF I feel like having guests, both sets of parents can come to hospital
-when we come home, it will just be my mom, if anyone, to stay the night, but everyone else is welcome to visit during the day for short periods of time
-parents leave after a day or so, and then come back up after a few weeks once we're all settled for a more extended stay, and can stay with us

DH/his parents want:
-[b]to be notified at first contractions (even if I'm not in active labor) so they can drive up immediately
-come to hospital during labor, presumably stay in waiting room (no one has mentioned DR)
-have unlimited access to be in hospital room with db, regardless of how I'm feeling[/b]
-mom stay the night in the house, and parents to have full access of house during the day.  I'm expected to use the nursery if I need privacy.
-parents to stay in the area for the entire first week

Again, I WANT to share the baby with his parents, I'm fine if they are around, come visit if I feel up to it, etc.  I just want my feelings and desires to be considered.  DH is refusing to commit to the "wait and see" approach-he says that if he can't tell his parents that they are welcome in the house and hospital room regardless, they will be upset and it's not fair to them.[/quote]

Regardless of whether you agree to these things (and I think it very much matters what you think, OP), your husband's/his parents' list of wants don't really take into account the unpredictable nature of giving birth. I was in labor for almost 20 hours from water breaking to baby arriving with my first, and that would have been a long damn time for any of our family members to be sitting around in the waiting room. Our second was born on my third trip to L&D - twice I went to the hospital in what seemed like fairly active labor, and twice I went home a few hours later. As for expecting unlimited access to the hospital room, I think they're overlooking the part where a steady stream of medical staff will be in and out of the room to check on you and baby, and for some of those checks nurses will be very much up in your business. There were also just two places to sit in my hospital room, which wasn't really conducive to long, multi-person visits.

Have you done a hospital tour and/or a childbirth class, OP? I would think both of those things might help your husband understand how impractical what his parents are proposing are. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics