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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, while I appreciate the posters who are at least trying to help, even if they think I'm unreasonable, you're just rude.  Instead of giving any kind of help, you just want to tear me down.  Please stop feeling so poisonous.

To the pp who asked: his parents don't want to be in the DR (ew to ANYONE besides DH on my part!), but are insisting that they come visit at the hospital.  Here is my compromise, as stated to DH:
-parents are called when I am admitted to hospital, they can come and stay at the hotel
-when I deliver, IF I feel like having guests, both sets of parents can come to hospital
-when we come home, it will just be my mom, if anyone, to stay the night, but everyone else is welcome to visit during the day for short periods of time
-parents leave after a day or so, and then come back up after a few weeks once we're all settled for a more extended stay, and can stay with us

DH/his parents want:
-to be notified at first contractions (even if I'm not in active labor) so they can drive up immediately
-come to hospital during labor, presumably stay in waiting room (no one has mentioned DR)
-have unlimited access to be in hospital room with db, regardless of how I'm feeling
-mom stay the night in the house, and parents to have full access of house during the day.  I'm expected to use the nursery if I need privacy.
-parents to stay in the area for the entire first week

Again, I WANT to share the baby with his parents, I'm fine if they are around, come visit if I feel up to it, etc.  I just want my feelings and desires to be considered.  DH is refusing to commit to the "wait and see" approach-he says that if he can't tell his parents that they are welcome in the house and hospital room regardless, they will be upset and it's not fair to them.[/quote]

OP, I've posted a couple times about how I don't think you should HAVE to compromise. Have you said all the things to your husband that you've said here? Have you told him that it feels like he is choosing his mom's wishes over yours? Have you told him how that hurts your feelings?

I don't think that some of the things they are asking for are reasonable at all. I cannot imagine a scenario where someone who doesn't live in my house is given full access to the entire rest of the house. I also cannot imagine a scenario where it would be acceptable for the needs of one person to totally trump every single thing that is being requested by another person, which is essentially what's going on here. In his attempts to make sure that his parents feel like they are being treated fairly, he is treating YOU very UNfairly.

If I were you, I would tell him that you would rather not have anyone stay at the house, out of fairness, and that you reserve the right to say that you're not up for visitors and that if his parents are upset about that, they will just have to suck it up. He is not being reasonable and despite the extreme nastiness you've gotten from a few people, it sounds to me like you are trying to find a workable solution. For me, the MIL staying in the house and full access to everything would be the only two places that would have no wiggle room.[/quote]

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