Reply to Parents with 3+ kids and 2 full-time jobs, how do you do it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two full time parents, 7/5/3 mix of genders. We have no local help from family at all. Well, I shouldn't say none I have a local aunt and cousin but they provide no childcare for us... if we all have the flu or something they will drop off a casserole or if something happened they would help a bit I think?

I think generally key elements

1) We both have flexible jobs and both work from home. At one point my husband had like a 20 minute commute and honestly that would be fine too. This allows me to work out during the work day, which I think is really critical for a lot of reasons, mental health, physical health etc

2) Our kids are in full time care. We had a nanny briefly when none were in school, now the older two are in aftercare after elementary and the youngest in pre-k and aftercare. Full time care is important, COVID was hard on us. But the care has always been very close to home (takes me 20 minutes or less to leave my house and pick up all three and get back home at the end of the day)

3) We are on top of registrations for stuff so that all the kids are in the same place ie, I was up and ready at 6am this week for a camp registration that lets me bring all three to the same camp all summer for full day camp. We get on that swim class registration so that all three are in swim class on saturday mornings between 10-11. Etc. We combine activities when at all possible and we take advantage of programs offered by the school after programs

4) We teach independence really early on. All of my kids could dress themselves at 2, can eat, etc. And I rely on crutches longer than other people think I should when I don't think they are ready. So they used sippy cups for way too long and probably wore diapers too long. They all get up in the morning and can get snacks/turn on tv etc. And not in a neglectful way we're there if they need help and we don't shame them for needing help or make the 7 year old take care of them we just really promote independence. Which honestly has its own pitfalls TBH, they are all very opinionated!

5) My husband pulls his weight. I do all the food, he does all the clothes, for everyone, even my laundry (obvi does not shop for me). We are a TEAM. And not just in name we are proactively there for each other. And we prioritize occasional (once a month or more) date nights and intimacy because liking each other is important to a core value of our marriage which is that we're always trying to make each other's lives easier and we're not keeping score.

We are definitely not interested in a fourth but do feel like we are happy and all our kids are happy and fulfilled. We are worried about when they get older and all need rides in 10 different directions. I think our kids will have to live with the fact that we will not really entertain a travel sports team or something like gymnastics where the family unit as a whole has to devote that much time to one child's activity[/quote]

I’m not the OP, but we’re also considering a third, and this sounds like exactly what we’d like. I feel like we’re on a good path. The one thing I’m struggling with is some of the independence stuff. We’re still completely dressing and undressing our almost three year old. He can pull down his pants/underwear to use the potty, and he takes his socks off, but that’s it. I’ve been trying to have him take his pajama pants off in the morning, but he’s slow to wake up and he just turns into a useless puddle, basically. And at night, it becomes a bedtime stall technique. I haven’t been pushing it. What approach would you recommend here? [/quote]

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