Reply to 10 yo DS too shy to be polite

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This sounds like it is in the realm of selective mutism, which is driven by anxiety.  I would start by practicing with him as others have suggested, but if that doesn't improve the situation, it may be time to reach out to a therapist. If this type of shutting down affects his performance in school, you may also want to consider anti-anxiety meds.

In the meantime, keep modeling the behavior when you are with him.  After he quietly says thank you, you can make eye contact with the person and thank them clearly.  You shouldn't explain why your son's thank you was inaudible or put him on the spot; just thank the person and move on.  And lots of praise in private for when your son is at all successful with this.  [/quote]

Agree with the first part and the modeling. Also I think you should definitly talk to a therapist. It may not actually be SM because in SM the child doesn't stop talking in different settings (I saw you prreviously described that he started talking less/stopping in some settings around 18 months ago)-but a therapist can help figure out if something else is going on.

However, assuming it is SM, I strongly disagree with the "After he quietly says thank you, you can make eye contact with the person and thank them clearly." Part of SM work includes not speaking for your child. If anything, you should try 'labeled praise.' However, your child might be getting oto old for explicit labled praise in that setting.

--parent of a child who had SM for many years[/quote]

Yes, praise makes him really self-conscious - I think he's aware he's messing up, and he's really embarrassed about it. I've been thanking afterward, though, and I should probably stop that. Thanks for the reminder. [/quote]

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