Reply to How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the people ragging on OP for not liking the sedentary lifestyle, I wonder how old you are and how much hands-on elder care you have done on a daily basis.

OP, after watching my mom take care of my dad, I think I can appreciate your frustration. When someone aged quickly by their own hand, it forces someone else to prematurely step up and care for them. And guess what -that makes the caregiver age fast. It’s hard on backs, it’s hard on joints, it’s hard on the mind. Maybe OP doesn’t want to watch her golden years get eaten up by someone who couldn’t bother to take care of themselves (let alone anyone else).[/quote]

"By their own hand" is...dramatic. OP seems unwilling or unable to consider that when someone changes, that change might be driven not by laziness or simply no longer caring about looks etc. but by other factors. Nope, sh wants to focus on how she is the ideal motivator, right there next to him, so why can't he be like her?

OP -- Did you stop to break this down beyond just "he's sedentary" etc.? Did you ask yourself about things like these?
How has his job changed in the time he's grown more sedentary? Did it get harder, did he change jobs, is he frustrated in his work, or does his career feel stalled, or is he conversely doing well professionally but it drains him?
Does he have friends/relatives who have themselves become more sedentary etc.? The guys with whom he used to do stuff are now more homebodies themselves?
Has he had any losses like death of parents, changes to other relationships that were important to him (I can't recall, if you have kids--empty nest in recent years?)? 
Does he express any worries/fears/frustrations about the world, current news, etc.?
In other words, OP, have you thought about whether he might be (as others have already said) undergoing some depression  or anxiety, or grief (one can grieve life changes, not just people who die), etc. etc.?

I'm wondering why, if you loved him enough to marry him, you havent dug into reasons and potential bigger-picture things like these, rather than just focusing on how you're so healthy and he's just sedentary and lazy.

One does not have to be a weeping mess to be depressed. In fact, in men, depression often manifests as anger in some, lack of interest in life and activities in others. And if you think "He can't be depressed, he acts happy enough, he enjoys sedentary crap like TV shows etc.,," well, you aren't well informed; how one acts doesn't necessarily negate the idea that one can also be depressed or anxious without wanting to show it. He especially may not want to admit any depression, work frustration/career worries, the fact he's missing someone -- he may  not want to admit those to you, OP, if he hears you always saying how ideal your habits are. Hard to talk deeply to a spouse who considers herself perfect and you, a lump.[/quote]

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