Reply to BIL is an addict

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "BIL is an addict "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

It's incredibly frustrating -- post after post, people point out that addiction is a real, legitimate reason for divorce, don't get involved with an addict, it's only a matter of time, once an addict, always an addict.

But this isn't a problem? I don't get it. Seriously.

I appreciate that I might be coming from an emotional standpoint somewhat and I'm not an expert and appreciate the insights and recommendations. I've gone to Al-anon and the message I received for years was RUN if you come across someone who is an addict. I think the saying was "don't collect broken toys."

I am worried about my sister. I am worried about my nieces and nephew. I'm not a terrible person. I'm care about my family and have gone through a lot.[/quote]

I would 100% divorce if my hsuband was and addict and I would not personally marry an addict even with a long sober period. But I also would be totally comfortable if my sister chose to marry someone 5 years sober. I would not feel like he was going to relapse at any moment. I would hope that my sister was choosing a sober lifestyle as well — just sort of in solidarity with her hsuband. I would hope my sister and her hsuband would educate any kids on their genetic predisposition. But I would happily hang out with the guy.[/quote]

Do you see the inconsistency, PP. I find it telling that everyone agrees that for themselves they would make the same decision as me and I'm right, but me being worried about my sister makes me a terrible person.

People avoid addicts. Even those "sober" ones are trouble, like this PP points out. If you found out your spouse admitted they had a problem with alcohol and were an addict (even if sober), you'd divorce them. So, I'm not wrong here. I find it hypocritical that everyone agrees that addicts are trouble (sober or not) but then bash me.

Make it make sense.[/quote]

Every time you post you make yourself look like a bigger A. What makes him trouble NOW vs a month ago when you had no idea???? Answer that question.[/quote]

Fundamentally, a lie of omission. That's what. I don't even know when he told my sister, she wouldn't go into detail with me. But the risk is what is different. I've seen wreckages of relapses and it breaks my heart to think my sister and her children risk going through this. How can she even believe he's "sober" -- let's be honest, addicts have an...interesting relationship with the truth.

But really, the thing that frustrates me is that people are like "yep, I'd run from an addict and never have one in my life, sober or not" but also calling me a jerk at the same time. For caring.[/quote]

Again, you are creating scenarios in your head and not looking at their actual relationship and the truth. So you want your sister to divorce her husband, the father of her children and uproot their whole life because there is a possibility that he might relapse? Who gives a hoot if he didn't tell you? He wasn't marrying YOU. apparently, your sister knows/knew and is fine with it. You need to find a way to be fine with it because apparently there is nothing wrong with their life. It's all in your head.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics