Reply to Why does my mother control my father, and why does he allow it?

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents had this dynamic. All their lives.

Mom was a perfectionist who loved control. She often ridiculed dad (and us kids) for not doing things exactly right according to her high standards, with the result that dad gradually did less and less. Dad was laid back and passive, and perfectly happy to let his competent wife take care all the household running chores. Deep down, he knew mom had a kind heart and meant well, so he let her run things and tune her out most of the time. Occasionally her hen-pecking ways get out of hand and he'd snap at her. Mom coped with her resentment of dad by dumping on me.

It's a dysfunctional relationship, sure, but it worked for them. Shortly before dad died, he told us what a great partner mom had been for him. Her love language was acts of service, and despite all her bark, she took really good physical care of him. For her part mom was inconsolable after dad's passing. She changed her tune completely and sang only his praises.

It's a mind f*ck for me, watching their relationship and all the dysfunctions there within. I believe they were codependent on each other, a domineering personality and an enabler. [/quote]

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