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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In some families it’s expected that the moms will work and the grandparents will take care of the kids. Maybe that’s how those grandparents expected things to go and are mad they don’t get to be with the grandkids?[/quote]

This may be what is happening. Less about sahm/no sahm than about the grandparents (the grandma often) and their role.

My grandma (from Taiwan) watched her grandkids. My aunt watches her grandkids. My aunt is part of a whole *community* in her city of UMC educated women who watch their grandkids. They do Chinese new year stuff together with the grandkids on the weekdays, take them to enrichment activities together, go for stroller walks together etc. Beung a part of this community is a really big deal to my aunt. 
[/quote]

I have a good friend who is Taiwanese. He parents left her with the grandparents while her parents worked. The dad was a doctor and mom was a nurse. The parents would come get her on weekends. My friend is very resentful of this.

I also have other Asian friends who either lived apart or were frequently dropped off at grandparents and it seems like a painful memory from their childhood. They also have an extra hard time when grandparents pass because they were the primary.[/quote]

Painful? It doesn’t have to be, it can be beautiful and nurturing. My grandmas played a big role in raising me and it was not painful at all. One is still alive and healthy and I’m in my 40s. But even if she passed earlier, that’s no reason not to form a bond and not to be grateful for the time you had. I also have a good relationship with my parents. [/quote]

I guess depends on the situation. I know a few Chinese immigrants in the US that once the baby was born sent the baby back to China for the grandparents to watch out of necessity while both parents continued working their white collar jobs. It’s out of necessity that families are separated like that and that’s a painful experience.[/quote]

Why would it be a necessity?  Other families with two white collar jobs manage to keep their children with them.  Why wouldn't Chinese immigrants be able to do so if they chose to?[/quote]

I have no clue. I am not a Chinese immigrant. But some choose to send their very young children back to China for their grandparents to watch than hire Nannies or childcare. Obviously these are the ones trying to build wealth rather than already wealthy ones. Even if they find it preferable to the American system of daycare or busting your wallet for a nanny, being separated from your parents as a baby is not ideal. Asides from parents sending their children back, I also know cases of older spouses being separated from each other for years and they don’t seem to bat an eyelid. So yes I can see why sending a child to grandparents would be a painful experience. [/quote]

So this is actually not common among the well educated  “white collar” Chinese immigrants for the most part that come from middle class college educated Chinese families. It tends to be poorer people from poor provinces like Fujian  who come here for lower paid work like restaurant jobs. Sometimes it is someone who is educated but if you dig deeper they probably came from
 A poor family and are sending money home.

In that sense, it is like any other poor family. You will see poor white and black kids being raised by relatives too because the parents can’t afford childcare. It is more a poverty thing than a cultural thing.

It is sort of racist to say these people don’t bat an eye at leaving loved ones or giving up their kids like it’s a cultural thing. It’s poverty, plain and simple. [/quote]

DP here. The people I knew who did this were Indian and Chinese doctors. They were in residency. I didn’t really know them well at all. My husband was also a resident.[/quote]

They are likely from poor families and sending money home. They probably can’t afford care for the odd hours they need on what is left of their resident  salary.

But this is likely their best option  because in China medicine is not super prestigious like it is here plus it is not well paid. The meager salary for a young doctor there is still tiny compared to a U.S. resident salary. Doctors quitting in China because of poor pay is a problem. [/quote]

Why do you think all these people are poor?

I have mostly been around rich Chinese and Indians. I have always the ones who come here are often the smartest. Many of these educated immigrants have kids who excel in America. DH is one of those kids.[/quote]

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