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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you currently have a nanny and still don't have enough bandwidth to handle kids and logistics of family life, do not have a 3rd child. Will you occasionally regret it? Probably, but let's be real, OP. You cannot handle having a 3rd. [/quote]

This was exactly my thought- having a nanny rather than daycare should (in theory at least) make the mental load/logistics stuff a LOT easier. It doesn't mean that having kids is ever easy, but if things still feel incredibly overwhelming with a nanny in the home, I would not continue on and have a third, at least for now.

I had our third child this summer and recently went back to work. My oldest is in kindergarten and my two younger kids are at daycare. By far, the toughest part has been managing packing the daycare bags/lunches/all the things for the next day and being very tired while doing it. If I had a nanny in my home, I wouldn't have to do most of the prep, the commute, daycare sick days, etc. Just a suggestion- are there tasks that the nanny could complete that could lessen your load? As long as it is discussed, many nannies are at least willing to take care of tasks related to the kids- laundry, tidying toys at the end of the day, washing bottles, and so on. Even if you don't have a third, I would think that through and sort it out. Also, what is your husband's role in all of this? Are there things he could be taking on as well, or is he already sharing the load with you?[/quote]

Our nanny does our preschoolers lunch, the kids laundry and generally the preschoolers bath after school. Maybe she is overwhelmed too but she does not really tidy their toys. She cooks a few things for them twice a week, and cleans up after their meals, but dinners are largely on us. She keeps their rooms fairly tidy. She doesn’t do things like go through their closets to store outgrown clothes, or go through piles of toys to put pieces back from the toy and room they originated from (which kind of bugs me because od how chaotic it makes the house.) She doesn’t drive, and while she could technically walk the older kid to school, I end up doing drop off and pickup (partially because it’s not a super short walk, and partially because I enjoy being the person to do it.) she’s not making friends or play dates or proactively taking kids out so I have to tell her what to do almost every day, and that’s another aspect of mental load on me. She does not pack or unpack our kids from weekends at the grandparents. She did more of this before we had our second, when the first was in school a few hours a day, but now I guess doesn’t have the bandwidth or energy. She is certainly not the person taking kids to doctor appointments, which I always miss work for. In short, she is a grandmotherly nanny/babysitter and she is not a daytime replacement for mom. I didn’t particularly want a replacement for myself when I hired her, but it does make things harder to balance.

I work from home and my 4yo always comes to me over her. I sort of sympathize with my nanny because it’s hard to get much done while watching a kid or two (older one is in preschool most of the day.) I don’t want to hire someone else because our nanny is nice and my children are attached to her at this point. It’s for sure part of the problem. I’m spending any time off from work I have while she’s here digging out of messes all over the house that accumulate from toys, school paperwork and art, packing and unpacking from trips and visits to grandparents, etc. I’m guess I’m  overwhelmed by all the admin (which I’ve posted about before) equally or more so than my actual kids. [/quote]

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