Reply to Getting Divorced. People Say “I’m sorry.” Why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because no matter what reason, it's a pain to go through the divorce process, no?

If you don't anyone to feel sorry for you, just indicate that it's the best decision for you. If someone tells me they're getting divorced without adding some qualifier or extra tidbit like that, I'd say sorry too. [/quote]

No, it does not have to be a pain. I felt that divorce was easy. The marriage was horrible.

I hate it when people say this. It is astonishing they don't realize 1 person wanted the divorce and is far from sorry.

I say: "I'm not sorry. Why are you?" It shuts this crap right down.[/quote]

That’s a pretty hostile response to someone just trying to be nice. Yikes. I bet it sure does shut them right down. Why be so abrasive to someone who hasn’t done anything other than try to be nice?[/quote]

I don't think it is "nice" to say "I'm sorry." [/quote]

“Something just happened in my life that is widely known to be the greatest stressor one can have in their lives, which is the end of my marriage which I , theoretically, hoped would be a happy one.” 
“Oh, I had no idea, I’m sorry to hear that”
“That’s not nice to say why why on earth are you sorry?”

Yeah, you’re totally in the right here. [/quote]

I don't advertise I am divorced. When people realize that and come up to me and say "I'm sorry" that is completely rude. They should say nothing. 
It is completely presumptuous. If people had a happy marriage, they would not divorce. I think congratluations is a far better thing to say in most cases, but people should never say "I'm sorry" to a woman. 70% of people who initiate a divorce are not sorry. They should be congratulated on getting the eff out.

People should not comment.

They should just say "oh, okay" or "good to know" or say nothing. "I'm sorry" actually makes me really mad.[/quote]

You should probably work with a therapist on why an innocuous, socially acceptable comment makes you so triggered. I am aware that you’ll take huge offense to this but I actually mean it seriously/ kindly. Have a nice holiday weekend. [/quote]

I don't need a therapist. People need to stop the judgment and assumptions about divorce. [/quote]

Look: either the person I'm talking to thought they had a decent marriage and is getting divorced when they don't want to, in which case I'm sorry for that, or they had a sh!tty marriage that they're finally leaving, in which case I'm sorry they had to go through the sh!tty marriage, or they're getting divorced because it's a fine marriage but they fell out of love with their spouse (or in love with someone else) in which case the divorce itself is still an uncomfortable process, in which case I'm sorry about the uncomfortable process.  If there's a divorce happening, then some part of the process - either the preceding marriage or the divorce process itself - sucks, and that's what I'm sorry about.

If, however, you had a lovely marriage and and one day, you and your spouse happily wake up and mutually decide to get a divorce and you're finding the whole process exceedingly pleasant, then please let me know and I'll retract my "I'm sorry."[/quote]

The divorce process is not hard. People make it hard on themselves.

"Oh, I didn't know" is a far better thing to say than "I'm sorry."[/quote]

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