Reply to He's vacationing with his ex-wife.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you are perfectly fine to walk away.  But [b]I would walk because he's ghosted you for a solid month, not because he's spending Christmas with his kids[/b].  That could be great (coparents of the year!) or terrible (still sleeping with his ex), but you'll never be sure because he doesn't communicate well so you will suspect that silence is covering sins. [/quote]

The bold, OP. Re-read the bold above and think about it.

The Christmas trip could be entirely about the kids and that would be [i]fine[/i]. You'll get a ton of knee-jerk "no way" responses on DCUM based on zero knowledge of why he's there pr what the arrangements actually are. For all you know he stays in a hotel or with a different family member -- his ex's family is still his kids' family, OP -- and may not be sleeping anywhere near the ex, etc. And is there to be with the kids on Christmas. You, yourself, posted that being divorced means splitting vacations but you seem unaware that that's not absolute in every single divorce forever, OP. Maybe there are circumstances you know nothing about, like one of the grandparents on the ex's side is sick and ex wants the kids to see that grandparent but needs extra hands to help. Whatever.

All that, or the simple "are you still screwing your ex?" issue, could all be answered...if you and he communicated like adults.

Since you and he supposedly know each other well enough to have sex, why don't you know him well enough to ASK him straight out about why he's with his ex? But then-- why doesn't he know you, or care about you, enough to want to TELL you about the arrangements in the first place?

I would be very blunt, tell him you needed time for an hour's Zoom or FaceTime (not text, not email) and then say frankly that you felt blindsided by him talking with you about taking the relationship further, then going silent for a month. Just leave it there and see what his reaction is. "Why did you not contact me for a month? I feel I have a right to know." And wait for an answer. Only after that would I get into how the trip makes you feel. I would not get all accusatory and angry but would hear him out first (and maybe get angry then if he was being evasive!). He's been stupid, but also, you need to be direct with him and ask frankly if he's thinking of getting back with his ex, because you don't understand the idea of vacationing with an ex even "for the kids." Have you said exactly that to him?

I find it a bit odd myself that you firmly describe your relationship with him as "casual" then a few posts later you say "we've both expressed interest in this developing further." Which is it? Sounds like it was in the delicate in-between stage (for you at least) when he went silent. Maybe the "developing further" talk was more one-sided than you realized and that's why he went dark? [/quote]

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