Reply to Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had a similar situation -- potential abuse by DW's father, but the victim couldn't remember it clearly due to their young age at the time and also how long ago it was. No worrisome signs since then. We just weren't certain. It was a maybe it happened kind of thing.

We decided we'd make sure our kids are never alone with him, just to be sure. When we visit, we stay in a hotel but their house isn't big enough for us anyway. Basically there are no opportunities to for it to happen. Interestingly he's not a touchy-feely person, so even just giving the kids a hug would be a red flag and we've seen no such signs.

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What motivation do you think a person would have to falsely declare this having happened?  Are you comfortable maintaining a relationship with the accused knowing this person may have sexually abused a child?[/quote]

To be fair, we don’t know what the victim remembers or who the potential abusers are. I was abused and I’ve repressed some of the memories, or maybe I was just too young. I personally think I know who it was because of a variety of clues, but I’m not confident enough in my memories to do something like file a police report (even if I could). I have warned my sister, who has kids, and she told me our cousin has a similar experience with the other person I suspected. We three have cut off that section of our family, for past abuse and other more recent issues, but if someone wanted to maintain a family relationship, I would understand not cutting off a swath of family over a probably maybe. The gaps in memory and inconsistencies give people who don’t want to believe an excuse not to believe. I’m both critical and sympathetic to people who have to choose in cases like this. It’s hard, and it’s usually wrapped up in other dysfunction.

OP, sister remembers clearly what happened, who did it, and who helped him. Both parents should suffer consequences, the least of which would be no access to children and no trusting anything they do or say. [/quote]

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