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[quote=Anonymous]I'm the other PP with one due to secondary infertility (18:43 on p. 4). I'm going to speak to what I've done and what worked best for me. We TTC, including lots of IVF and miscarriages, for 5 years before moving on. I think you have to truly accept that your family won't be perfect, and work very hard on remembering that while your family may not be perfect in this way, other families are also imperfect in other ways. They may have divorce, narcissistic grandparents, substance or mental health issues, abuse, serious illness, etc. And really understand that you, as the mom in the family, have a lot of control over the family narrative. If you put on a happy face and wax poetic about how amazing your family is and how lucky you all are to have such a perfect little gang, you will set the tone for your DH and child. If you ruminate over your misfortune, your family will feel that and their mental health and sense of self will reflect it. I get it, I truly do. I ruminated for a long time and really mourned what could and should have been. But it hurts you and it hurts your family, so you have to just force, literally force by will, those thoughts out of your mind.

The lack of involved family is very hard. You can either build your own network through family friends, or you can build your own traditions yourself. We almost always vacation with friends. Yes, they all have 2-3 kids and watching the sibling dynamic stings. But it also gives us perspective about how much easier our lives are with one, and gives DC a chance to jump into a multi-kid environment for a short while. If you don't have friends to vacation with, build your own traditions. Go to the same places and do the same activities (mini golf and ice cream on the boardwalk at X beach, Y lodge at a national park for Christmas, etc.). Get a dog or two and go hiking. Your family is enough and you can have fun just the three of you. Tell yourself that over and over until you really start to believe it. [/quote]

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