Reply to Seeking productive advice for how to deal with ‘always on’ houseguests

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[quote=Anonymous]These kind of houseguests would drive me absolutely bonkers and I would not invite them again for any more than 2 days unless absolutely necessary.

They are treating their visits to you like it is a vacation, which might make sense if they were visiting you once a year.  But even then, it would be intolerable if you did not have the time to do things on you own once a while, or if you had to have every single meal together.  Also they sound a bit immature, the question is if they are manageable for you.

Here are some suggestions:
1. Be more direct with your asks and what you need.  Say, "I need some alone time in the morning so I can be at my best the rest of the day.  What else can I do to help set you guys up so that you can manage your own breakfast?  Ask them if they prefer to read during breakfast, watch tv, what their favorite breakfast foods are, etc.  And say, "The kids and I need to get out of the house for a while.  Want to join me and the kids while we go to the park, or would you prefer to stay home?"
2. When you sit down in the living room, bring a book with you and read it.  Don't feel pressured to just sit and make conversation with them every minute of the day.
3. Continue doing what you usually do, whether it is laundry, household chores, making appointments when they are there.  
4. If they are truly immature, they won't be able to handle your simple and reasonable asks and respect your boundaries while they are staying in your home.  
5.  The other option is what I used to do when my kids were young and woke up at 6 am every morning.  I woke up at an ungodly early hour - like 4:45am - I would sneak down, drink my coffee, meditate, and then go for a long walk or run.  And I'd be back by 6am ready to tend to them the rest of the day.  And I would put them to bed early, and go up to the bedroom at 8:45pm and close the door.  
6. When they say "but we came to see you" in response to your asks/boundaries, just gently, firmly, simply and clearly repeat your ask.  And never explain and invite a discussion over it.  Just keep it simple and clear.  
7. Set up a lot of independent quiet activities that they may enjoy during their stay - reading materials, puzzles, etc.
8. Invite them to help you and your husband with meal prep and some light chores like setting the table, so they feel more comfortable and less like a houseguest to be tended to, and more like a family member staying with you.[/quote]

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