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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]With all due respect, it sounds like you and your spouse went to college and grad schools on full rides. There was no "investment." What if you had taken out loans for all of that? Would you want a way to pay them back?[/quote]

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And also they were very low income to begin with.  [b]People who are MC and UMC do not want to become poorer because they paid $$$ for college and are only making $ after their education.[/b] [/quote]

OP here. I realize with our HHI that we'd be considered UMC, but I'm fine with my kids having a lower quality of life than the well-off NoVA life that surrounds them (and quite frankly, at some point, disturbs me). If my kids, for example, can't afford a SFH in the DMV and have to move to, say, Richmond and "only" live in a townhouse, I'm fine with that (and I'm guessing my kids would be as well given their frugal habits and lack of materialism). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm fine with my kids going into a lower-paying field that they love instead of going into a career that they only mildly tolerate or somewhat dislike in order to keep up with the Joneses in this area.

But maybe that's just a reflection of me seeing a lot of miserable high earners all day as a psychologist. A lot of these people were pushed into high-paying career fields by their parents and now have significant mental health issues as a result. [/quote]

I think you’re wildly underestimating how hard it is to be downwardly mobile, and thus not able to give your children the quality of life you had growing up. I’ve known people who experienced it and it’s very painful for them as parents. [/quote]

That's a good point, and one I wouldn't be all that privy to given that I grew up poor. But like... my kids (who are currently in high school) are just as happy taking camping vacations to the Blue Ridge Mountains as they are with much fancier vacations. They've also never asked me for expensive/trendy clothes/items (even my daughter who goes to a high school with lots of wealthy girls whose parents buy them expensive items). Their favorite activities are all relatively low-cost ones in the outdoors. We don't send them to private school and plan on limiting their college options to in-state VA schools (or any private school that gives enough merit aid to equal that cost).

I don't know. Maybe they've adopted our relatively laid-back, frugal mindset. Maybe they're just a bit more resistant to peer pressure. I do find a lot of the materialism of the DMV to be off-putting.  [/quote]

You’re not responding to what I am saying to you. I am saying it’s painful not to be able to give your kids what your parents could give you. You’re responding that your kids like to go camping. That’s completely, entirely missing the point.

Like you, I’m upwardly mobile. I can give my kids what I didn’t have. And please understand, by that I mean, [b]being able to buy them out-of-season berries and math tutoring[/b], not trips to Europe. In contrast I have downwardly mobile friends [b]whose parents could afford tutors to help them succeed, au pairs/Nannie’s instead of bottom barrel daycares, best school districts instead of struggling ones[/b]. THAT is what I mean by it being painful to be downwardly mobile. Feeling like you aren’t doing right by your kids through the lens of your own upbringing. [/quote]

OP here. I personally believe that you if move out of HCOL areas like the DMV, being able to afford stuff like math tutoring or decent school districts (note -- I'm saying decent school pyramids and not best), and acceptable daycares (not nannies -- those are for rich people) doesn't take a high paying STEM/finance/Big Law job.        [/quote]

And you’re still not listening to what I’m saying. It sounds like you’re sending your kids to a top-notch pyramid (since you said it’s full of rich kids). NOT BEING ABLE TO GIVE YOUR KIDS WHAT YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU SUCKS. Whatever that is. Whether it’s a middle of the road school or Sidwell; reliable internet connection or fancy tutors. Not being able to raise your kids as well as you were raised sucks. I have friends who are fellow millennials in that situation, who grew up UMC/MC and now are MC/LMC themselves, and feel they’re letting their kids down because they are anchored by the standard of their own childhoods. [/quote]

NP here. Aren't most millennials/Gen Z facing downward mobility?[/quote]

Yes. And it sucks. But people who want their kids to be able to raise their own children as well as they raised their kids are very rational. Even if missing that mark is common. And this isn’t about materialism. I’m talking about being able to give your kids the things you want to give them because you think your parents were right to make those investments in you. [/quote]

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