Reply to Couples therapy and mandatory reporting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, get your husband in individual therapy. He doesn't need to disclose this incident in detail to his therapist. He can tell the therapist he wants to work on anger management toward his family. In addition to therapy, I'd do parenting classes together so you can both learn strategies and reinforce them.[/quote]

+1.

I haven't posted on this thread before because it's so one-sided.

Yes, this incident was serious but I feel like it's missing the forest for the trees that this man WANTS HELP. His spouse wants to support him and learn something herself. If we are all being real, even if OP left her husband today and filed for divorce it's almost guaranteed that he could complete a parenting class mandated by a court and have 50% custody. That's just the plain, honest truth.

OP, I'd go and probably tell a modified version to the therapist for the sole purpose of facilitating the therapy and I'd make that crystal clear to your husband. You can find a post a day about men with anger problems in this forum. Yes, the best thing would have been not to marry or procreate with these men, but here we are. If one of them wants to get therapy and not have anger issues then I'd work to make that happen.[/quote]

Who is saying he can’t get help? He should also be reported to CPS for the protection of the child. Two things can happen at once. CPS will document and he’ll get help. If it continues there will already be a record. Seems win win for the child but I think there are posters here more concerned about protecting the adult. [/quote]

I have done individual therapy for (among other things) emotional regulation and I have done couples therapy. I learned and practiced different skills for each type of therapy. They were both time-consuming and emotionally demanding. If you are going to change through therapy you have to be committed and I don’t know many people who are tagging their feet to get into therapy who would be committed to transforming both their internal and relational spheres of life. More importantly, couples therapy is much easier when you know how to be emotionally regulated.

But sure if OP’s husband has it in him to do both individual and couples simultaneously, that’s great.

I do think that he and OP should be honest about what happened (although I don’t think showing the picture is necessary if her husband admits that it was bad), but I think that if the options are minimizing the incident and going to therapy or not going at all, they should minimize the incident and go. [/quote]

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