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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Elders move into a facility that (will eventually) accept their Medicare payment. That's it. It's not that difficult.

If you don't like what's nearby, they go to a lower COL area. [b]Where they have roots or elderly friends/siblings/where they once lived or where they grew up. Some connection. You visit.[/b] They meet and make connections in their new place. Being social with people other than family, that's on them and largely a personality thing you can't control.

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Just wow. [b]Cannot imagine feeling that way. [/b]So cold.[/quote]

Seriously. Ship your parent to a nursing home so they can be social in their new place. So cold. I hope your children treat you so well in your old age.

I go out of my way to visit my dad who is in and out of the hospital. I bring the grandkids to see him because it brings a smile to see my 5yo daughter. I tell my son that it is sad to visit my dad but it is duty and obligation. I try to model behavior that I hope they will replicate one day. I hope when I am in old age that my children will come visit me and bring my grandchildren.

I would be heartbroken if my children just sent me away.[/quote]

IME [b]what sounds cold to some [/b]is the result of dysfunctional parents.  Those parents may have had trauma of their own that led to the dysfunction.  People who had loving, involved, supportive, stable families of origin never understand the privilege this is and "can't imagine" anything else.    
 [/quote]

What "sounds cold" IS COLD. I can appreciate what you've shared but think it's very sad that such dysfunction continues in these families, despite the supposedly better life that the adult children now have.[/quote]

You are judgmental and don’t know what you’re talking about.  Stop.  NP by the way.[/quote]

Judgmental? People can form opinions and judge others' behaviors. It's one thing to not have the money. That's why many  families take in their elderly parents. What was described is indeed very cold. [/quote]

DP. Judgmental when you don’t have all the facts is unfair. You don’t know the parent-child relationship, the families’ financial situation, other pressing matters (e.g. special needs child, medical bills, …), the parent’s’ financial situation, the quality of the nursing home, the other ways the children are supporting the parent (beyond financial),…. You are making a lot of assumptions when you call people evil, cold, or bad.[/quote]

Everyone has problems and circumstances and issues that can make it all hard. Still cold.[/quote]

Yep.  It's also pretty cold to be raised by narcissistic, nasty, manipulative, emotionally abusive parents who leave a life time of damage to unravel.  So no, not going to be spending my time in middle age making sure they're getting lots of visits and opportunities to socialize with family.  I happen to have the money to make sure mine are in a very nice and safe place.  That's the beginning and the end of it for me.

Luckily I'm past this stage of my life, but many people will respond to being shamed by people like you who insist that all of us owe our family of origin something.  It's incredibly toxic what you're saying.
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Toxic? Hardly. People with an ounce of compassion would feel differently than you. It appears that you're becoming like the parents who raised you.[/quote]

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