Reply to In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your primary goal is to protect these three kids from feeling othered, pitied or judged. Focus on that and forget about who is right and who is rude. I agree you should have a big talk with IL’s and try to appease them by doing what they want for other parts of the visit. Maybe even tell them that you see their point of view and admit you should have run it by them since it’s such a big event and they are traveling, etc. You want them to feel as unprovoked as possible so they behave as benevolently as possible.

Next step is to have a kid-friendly element so it’s less about strangers staring at each other. For example, have three premade gingerbread houses from Target and set them up in another room. Depending on kids ages, have a Christmas movie and cocoa with Santa marshmallows in another room. Sometime that shows them they are welcomed sincerely at least by you.

Fwiw, I think your in laws are uncharitable snobs but I admit that I’m not thrilled when I drag my family across the country to my in laws for a holiday and there is another set of in laws there or a handful of strangers. I would never say anything but I do prefer it to be smaller since we have limited time together. It makes me feel like they are multitasking and diluting the spirit of the meal. And yes I have some social anxiety at play. [/quote]

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