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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your sister phones and asks how you and your family are doing? Tell us why that is so terrible?[/quote]

And the sister hosted Thanksgiving but OP refused to communicate with her beforehand? A normal person would at least offer to bring something.
OP is the mean one. [/quote]

+1. So she’s horrible enough that you’ll avoid communicating with her, but you’ll show up to her table to eat and enjoy the hospitable environment she created for your family to enjoy together?

Wow, OP. If you accept someone’s hospitality, you owe them answers to basic questions like what time can you be there, and can you bring a bottle of Pinot Noir. You sound like the drama queen.[/quote]

That’s where the conflict avoidance comes into play. If I do not show up, that creates the drama. It was a potluck TG dinner. I brought many dishes and wine to share. My siblings and I coordinated on the group chat who was bringing what. Everything has been the status quo. I just don’t want a relationship with her. Similar to a distant cousin- you only see or speak to a few times a year.[/quote]

Hint: if you don’t want a relationship with someone, you start by declining their invitations. You don’t want a relationship with her; fine, own it. Own that there may be fallout. It’s called a consequence of a choice. If you choose to cut her off, then you need to own the “drama” that would create. But if you don’t want a relationship with her, literally step one is not eating at her table.

[/quote]

I don’t want a personal relationship with her. I do not want to talk about work or inquire about her work. I do not want to talk about my daily life or inquire about her daily life. I do not want to talk about her home renovations or my volunteer work.

I do and would invite her to a family gatherings.[/quote]

Your poor sister. She graciously invites you to her home and you show up and act like this? Yikes. Your behavior is shockingly rude and ill mannered. What happened to you own life that you would end up this way? Are you getting help?[/quote]

How did I act? How was I rude and ill mannered?[/quote]

If you go to someone's home to take advantage of their hospitality the least you can do is make polite conversation. You can't do that, thus you have the problem. Stop going to her home if don't want a relationship. Nobody deserves to be snubbed in their own home.[/quote]

I did speak to her and we had plenty of pleasant conversations on TG day. I truly am conflict avoiding. But right now, I do not want to speak to her.[/quote]

OK? So don’t call her.

But here’s what: you can’t expect her to read your signals. Your signal is that you want a relationship with her, because you invite her to family gatherings, and you attend hers. How is she supposed to know that you want holiday-only/gathering-only interactions with her? Is she supposed to have ESP?

So you basically think it’s rude for her to call and ask after you and your family? How is she supposed to know you don’t want that basic level of sibling interaction, when you invite her to your home, and you visit hers?

Hmm? [/quote]

After over two years of me minimizing one on one contact and only seeing each other a few times during the year and only in family settings, yes I did expect her to read my signals which is why I posted my original question. What else can I do?

She’s not rude, we don’t have unpleasant conversations, none of that. And to the other PP, her life’s choice has no affect on my life, when she made them or now. The only reason why I brought up she has made poor choices is to explain why she may be envious of me. We are close in age but made very different life’s choices that she lived to regret (her words). But like many resilient people, she made it through.[/quote]

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