Reply to Why won’t MIL visit without DH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is she supposed to take the kids to dinner without you? That seems personal.

Why don’t you invite her to your home to have dinner? Or invite her to watch a sports practice or have a movie night with the kids? [/quote]

Good suggestions.  I think it gets to the fact that OP wants a babysitter or nanny, not to really have the MIL over as a guest.[/quote]

This is the issue. OP says she’s not close to MIL, but how can they become close if they don’t spend time together? I think OP needs to invest in the relationship and then she can leverage it for a break or babysitting. My parents do the babysitting part sometimes- like taking the kids out on a weeknight so I have an hour to myself. However, I try to make sure that those activities are 1/3 or less of the time we spend with them.

OP mentioned that in the past that if she suggests a specific time or activity that MIL treats it like a summons and cancels plans or arrives rushed and flustered. That may be because she perceives it as a rare opportunity to be grasped. I think that may ebb over time if OP makes regular invites and MIL begins to trust that future invites will come. My parents hesitate to initiate plans because we are often busy on weeknights with activities. This puts the burden of reaching out on me. One way we solved it is to pick a day each sports season and agree to have dinner that night - like Tuesdays or every other Tuesday. Sometimes I cook or get takeout. Sometimes my mom makes something and pops it in the oven at my house. Sometimes my mom feeds the kids pizza so I can go to a work event or grab a glass of wine with a friend. [/quote]

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