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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You say that now, as I did, but when you're faced with the reality, it may be a different story. It's also not always cheating and finding out in the "awful awful way" that PPs have found out - there are different variations from years long relationships conducted behind a wive's back to one-time drunken mistakes. For my own particular situation, I think it would have been much more damaging to divorce given what he did and how he has acted since. He did a complete 180 as a man and as a father. It woke him the f up and he begged my forgiveness and has been showing me consistently fo almost a year now that he made a mistake and that he is remorseful and committed to us.

Would I prefer that it wasn't this way?  Of course. And I will never have the innocence and the true faith in love that I had, and I'll be honest, I have lost a bit of respect for him as a man and a person that I will never get back. But I don't think divorcing him would have led me to a better place either. And it certainly is better for our kids.

Please don't judge - you have no idea of everyone's particular situation and really you have no idea what you'd do if your husband came to you and admitted he'd made a horrible mistake and begged your forgiveness. [/quote]

I am also still with my husband after infidelity.  It has been a real struggle.  And yes, I once was a "I'll leave you in a second if you cheat" kind of person.  Reality is a lot more complicated than black and white absolutes.  In my case, I strongly agree with this poster.  Husband also did 180, and worked to put our marriage back together.  There are people who don't know, and I don't think they'd ever suspect he was a cheater.   He doesn't seem the type, and his turning a 180 has put him back into being a solid, dependable, reliable, person.  It has, however, absolutely changed a part of how I view him.  I am not a jealous type who constantly asks where he is and what he's doing, but I can definitely say I don't have 100% faith and trust in him anymore.  And honestly, maybe that's not a terrible thing.  I certainly don't take being married for granted and now also work at the marriage.  And yes, I very much believe that staying together (in a decent marriage) is much better for the kids than the alternative.  [/quote]

Thanks, PP.  I'm the other poster who stayed with my husband after he cheated.  How long has it been since you found out?  It's so funny how I used to seriously 100% believe that I would leave him if he cheated and I also believed that if I told him that, that it would prevent him from doing so.  Without a doubt, I would not put up with that, I'd say.  And then when it happens and you see how many gray areas there are and you weigh what your life will be like on either side of the choice and you realize that people are human and they make mistakes and to walk out on everything you have worked toward and on your children's father would not be the right choice.  That it's not always a lack of respect that causes people to cheat and that it's not always that he doesn't love you.  There are so many variations on cheating - what happened, how you found out, how much lying, how he acts afterwards, whether there were other issues in the relationship, how public the situation is, etc.  And you really can't cover them all with a "if any cheating occurs ever, I would immediately leave."

I really wish I could tell people or reach out and see how many more people like me there are.  It is kind of lonely and I'm sure it happens more often that we know.[/quote]

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