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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my mom also abused me mentally, emotionally and physically when I was a child. (PP who does not believe abuse claims, I was hospitalized and then placed in foster care as a result of one particularly nasty episode. I was eventually returned to the home and the abuse continued and got worse until I finally left home at 16.)

My mother and I were estranged for most of my life but she has been back in my life since I had kids. I informed her that I would not tolerate her doing and saying certain things but she continued anyway. These conversations would leave me distraught, in tears and bring back all of the trauma from my childhood. It was as if I was a terrified 6 year old all over again.

At first, I would remind her of my boundaries but she would continue. After about three years of this repeated emotional upheaval one day I just snapped and cursed her out. I told her everything I had ever wanted to say and ended the conversation not in a nice way. And then I hung up on her. This is a big deal because I had always been very obedient and respectful.

She called every person in the family crying and hysterical to let them know just what a horrible, terrible daughter I am. I was defiant and God was going to punish me. We didn't talk for six months. Then one day she called me as though nothing had happened and we had a very pleasant conversation. Since then, she has been very respectful towards me and I don't dread talking to her anymore.

I'm not saying you should curse your mom out. I felt a great deal of shame over my actions but our relationship is a thousand times better so I can live with it. I am saying you should very firmly defend your boundaries.

Do not stay on the phone longer than you want to. If you need to hang up, hang up. If you need to take a break then do it. She is still abusing you now but you are a grown up now and you have the power to change that. [/quote]

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