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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, find a more flexible job.  You're approaching this issue too rigidly: it's not a big, demanding job or leave the workforce entirely.[/quote]

This is what I came to say too. You are thinking much too black and white here. Here was our experiences (kids currently 5 and 2).

Me: Transitioned from my demanding job where the culture was so toxic- answering emails on nights, weekends vacations, "unlimited PTO" but never encouraged to actually use it, the client is always right mentality to the tune of responding to them immediately at all hours. Just really soul sucking, never having a mental break, always carrying my work phone. Now I work from home M-F 8am-4pm. I drop the kids at preschool at 7:45, they do 1 hour of after care and I have them home by 4:20pm and we play while I cook dinner. We are going to Europe for two weeks over the holidays and I asked my boss if my work phone includes an international plan and she blankly stared at me and said I better not bring my phone or laptop then told me specific instructions for my OOO email, changing my voicemail to redirect people to her, etc. I did take a payout, but I still make $105k. Tomorrow my kids have a half day and my boss was like "awesome- enjoy!" no expectation to actually use PTO. I'm just fully trusted to manage my workload accordingly.

DH: Was also in a horribly toxic work environment. He literally worked 8am-6pm, ate with us, helped with bedtime, then got back on from 8-10/12 every night. Zero time for me. He was grumpy, depressed, and the shell of my husband. It got so bad that I literally made a resume for him and started sending it out because he didn't have the time or mental capacity to do so and I truly thought he was going to have a mental breakdown. After a very long and picky (declining several offers) job search, he landed an AWESOME role. He now works for a Swedish company so they very much value work-life balance. He gets 25 PTO days, 15 sick days for himself or dependents, and 12 holidays. When his boss sends DH emails after-hours or on weekends, he literally titles them "Don't read til Monday". This job does include travel around 20% of the time. DH has been there 7 months and is the only one on his team with kids. His boss has checked in with him 3x letting him know that travel dates can always be flexible if something is going on with our family/kids and that not having kids himself, he doesn't know what he doesn't know and is always open to DH's input on how to make their team more working parent friendly ask the team is set to double next year. One of our kids had a stomach bug a couple weeks ago and DH let his boss know and he responded "Thanks for the heads up- please forward any to-do lists that need completed today. Happy to cover."

I guess just trying to say that yes, it took us both really extensive job search processes but we both landed jobs that we enjoy and were very intentional about paying attention to work-life balance throughout the interviews. We both feel valued at work, able to handle the home and parenting responsibilities, and that has done a world of good for how we interact with our kids and each other. Truly, if you'd asked me two years ago, we were in a horrible, stressed to the max endless cycle. It doesn't have to be like that.
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Congrats, PP.  It makes me happy to hear you and DH landed so well. I hate the idea of not working, and never considered quitting when any of the three kids came along, but at least one and hopefully both parents have to have a decent work situation to pull off the balance. [/quote]

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