Reply to Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?

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Reply to "Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Betrayal? No, because some people are delusional about what aging looks like and how they will age. Some people are downright selfish in what they expect their adult children to endure for years and years. Too often the ones who live a long time in a state of dementia and illness leave a legacy of siblings who now hate eachother, illness in the person who endured the most and resentment. I think it's a betrayal to not be realistic about aging to bury one's head in the sand and expect everyone to upend their lives and make you more of a priority than their own children and spouse. I might have said something different a few years into this. After enough years I am so over the entitlement and delusion.[/quote]

MIL is not a selfish person and she has never demanded or expected anything from her family. She likes having her children around her and she once joked that they were going to have to 'wrap her in cotton wool'.

She is very fortunate hat she has enough funds to pay for private caregivers 24/7, 365 days a year, and she has sufficient funds to continue to pay for all of this for another few years.
MIL and her adult children (one of whom is my spouse) are all happy with the quality of care she is receiving.

She is mostly good natured and content, but she gets anxious at night (sundowning) and there are signs that her cognitive abilities are declining further. They'll have to wait and see how her illness develops. 
My husband's siblings think it's vital she stays in her own home. DH agrees she should stay at home, but only up to the point where even her experienced caregivers can no longer cope,  or when she becomes a danger to herself or to others..[/quote]

When you wait this long the options are few if any. Most places don't want someone so challenging that caregivers can't cope or who is a major liability unless you hire 24-7 care at the facility. Many people wait too long. It's better to get in when the person is in OK shape and work as a team with them and check on things often.[/quote]

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