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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.[/quote]

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school.  She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well.  They met up at school and after school in groups.  I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.[/quote]

This is a different poster, but so what?  My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls.  I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life.  My job is to set the rules.  Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on.  You’re the grownup here.  You could have handled this better.  [/quote]

Um no way. It is not the parents job to inform anyone anything. I can not believe you are serious. I know all of my daughter’s friends well and who can’t be around boys, can’t date, have rules etc… They ALL break them. Sometimes even around me. It’s not my job to snitch on someone.  “Um hi this is _ mom and I heard from my daughter that yours can’t be around boys but there was 2 in my car today coming home from the mall.”

Give me a break [/quote]

Yes.  It is.  
“Hey.  Your mom told me that you aren’t supposed to be dating.  What you do on you own isn’t my business, but if I see you kissing your boyfriend in the back of my car again, I’m going to have to tell her about it.”

That’s what an adult does.

[/quote]

Ummm who said anything about dating and kissing? LOL. Just having the opposite sex in a carpool is a no no for one girl. The only reason I know is because my daughter confided in me. Otherwise I would be clueless. So no, my job is to not judge, gossip, or rat out other kids on something my daughter confided in me about . If you want that much control of your kid, contact me personally and say no boys in any carpool in your car with my daughter. Then I would tell that parent to take their daughter themselves. THAT is what adults do [/quote]

I agree with you.  It’s odd to have a rule about who you can carpool with and not confirm with parents that there aren’t boys in the car.  I mean, what are you, pp, supposed to do?

That’s not really the same as letting your son date a tween girl that you know isn’t allowed to date.  I don’t think it’s okay to be complicit in this.  You should respect other parent’s rules, even if you don’t agree with them, and you should teach your kids to as well.  
My boys are big D&D players.  They have a friend who is very religious, and he isn’t allowed to play.  So they aren’t allowed to play when he is over at the house.  I don’t agree with the rule, but I can respect it.  [/quote]

I see this but also don't think I am "complicit".  I think I'm talking to and advising my own kid, who is my priority.  The girl never came to my house as in your D&D example, which I agree with what you are saying in that situation.  In my situation, I don't know the parents at all.  I only know the information because my son shared with me.  And then we had a conversation about potential consequences and why the parents might feel this way.   My decision was not to tell him what to do in that scenario.  If I did, he'd likely ignore me and just stop talking to me about any of it.

I don't regret the decision at all.  We had a lot of good and important conversations over the course of "dating" this girl.

[/quote]

I agree that he would probably ignore you and stop talking to you about any of it, but he would still know where you stand, and teaching him that dependable and trustworthy adults don’t lie or ask others to lie on their behalf is more important than getting the details on exactly what’s going on.

What if he came home and told you that he was teasing another kid every morning before school and sending nasty text messages.  It’s not happening at your house.  If you tell him to stop, he’s probably going to keep doing it and just stop telling you about it.  You might lose out on some valuable or interesting conversations.  Would you tell your middle schooler what to do in that situation?  Or would you discuss pros and cons?

[/quote]

Not even close to a good analogy. That was embarrassing [/quote]

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