Reply to If my teenager gets a job during his time with Dad . . .

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You give him another day [/quote]

It's not that simple.  He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday.  But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house. [/quote]

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?[/quote]

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.  [/quote]

You told him kid was getting a job.  If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it.[b]  He had no choice but to agree.  [/b]What do you want him to do?   If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son.  If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting. [/quote]

Liar.[/quote]

Lair?  What does that mean?  Mom told the kid to get a job.  Dad cannot override mom.[/quote]

DAD AGREED WITH THE SON. DIRECTLY. READING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
[/quote]

Dad had no choice.  If he said no, he'd be the bad guy denying the kid a job.  NO matter what he does he loses.  This shouldn't have been allowed by mom.[/quote]

Try to wrap your head around this: If the dad wants a healthy parent-child relationship with his son, he needs to act as a parent, and that means saying no sometimes.  In this case, saying no is especially important as it communicates that the dad prioritizes and values his time with his son.  If your goal is to be Fun Daddy which is basically like an uncle, and have your son not really care about you and not spend time with you, then sure, indulge your fear of "being the bad guy".  But if you want to *actually parent the child* and have the child see you as a parent, saying no is essential.  You won't be seen as a parent if you don't exercise some authority.

Now, the mom could say no, but it's not her problem to bail the dad out of his lack of courage and parenting skill.  Dad's time, dad's choice, dad's responsibility.  And if the mom said no, that wouldn't be the same.  The message would be "Spending time with your dad is important to your mom even though your dad acts like he doesn't care."  That's not the same thing as "I, your father, prioritize time with you."  That's why this matters.[/quote]

A parent should not override another parents decision.  Mom said yes.   Don’t put it on dad to be the bad guy and say no.  Mom never should have agreed to a school year job given everything going on.  Our kids are into sports and other activities.  Clearly you don’t have teens in school with homework, sports and other activities.  Our kids have sports 4-6 days a week, plus another activity 2-3 times a week,  and homework.  That a lot and too much for a school year job.  Summer, yes.  [/quote]

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