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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She has been enabled and coddled and there is a dysfunctional dynamic. I relate. I have a sister like this, but we were never close. In my case she is not a nice person, but my parents ignored and/or got defensive any times teachers expressed concerns about how she treated others. So now she is a lonely and mope and they have fed a victim mentality for too long. If we don't always include her she, a middle aged woman, cries to mommy and starts a drama.

You stick with your boundaries and stop enabling, but expect the family to go nuts. All hell broke loose. Eventually finally, when we stuck to our boundaries and she could not manipulate the situation she got help. She got therapy and meds and stopped blaming us and anyone else for her unhappiness. She also tries to form a network where she is. Unfortunately, she goes off those meds and the drams start up again but we stick to our boundaries. She is a bright and capable person who needs to be expected to develop a life for herself and now that we have boundaries sheis doing it. We didn't cut her off, we just stopped playing the games.[/quote]

yup. I'm in the same situation. OP, know that when you put up boundaries your SIL will freak out and escalate in the hopes of getting past them (extinction burst). but ultimately, IT WILL BENEFIT her. she will grow up and take responsibility for her life. Good luck to you, stay strong![/quote]

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