Reply to My MIL and FIL never let DH and I visit BIL and SIL alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I still don’t understand why BIL and SIL don’t ever come visit you. It wouldn’t solve the MIL interfering problem but you at least wouldn’t have to sleep in a cold basement. And maybe it would solve the MIL problem a bit if all the grandkids could stay at her house (cousin bonding with the grandparents) and bil and sil could stay with you - private time for all of you. Sounds like your Mil has fomo. If she has all the grandkids to herself, wouldn’t that be a treat? Then you, your dh, bil and sil can go over there during the day and you can do some activities together. I realize the intent is to have a weekend without any parents but maybe you can work up to that.[/quote]

How can people not understand that bil and sil coming to visit them doesn't really solve the problem when in law parents live 15 minutes away. It isn't appropriate for bil and sil to visit and then say to parents 15 minutes away SORRY we are only visiting brother, we won't be seeing you! that's just absurd and also not healthy family dynamics. So, to have some 1:1 time it would be easier at bil and sils place.

Another option if make a plan to do something together meeting somewhere else. And then at least in my family it would be appropriate to tell parents but be clear that this is a sibling thing. This whole "just don't say anything" when you have a close relationship and see each other regularly seems like a more negative dynamic than anything. That's called avoidance. Just have open communication.[/quote]

+1.

OP, I am guessing that the relationship with the ILs is generally good between all the family members so no one wants to rock the boat. Your MIL sounds sweet, if a little overbearing.

But I agree that someone needs to have a frank discussion, and it needs to be specifically in reference to the basement not working for your family. Ideally, your BIL does it, with backup from your husband. "Mom and Dad, we can only host brother's family this weekend. We should have spoken up some time ago, but they just can't stay in the basement anymore. It's freezing cold down there and it's scary getting up and downstairs at night when anyone needs the bathroom. I hope you understand and you know we'll be up for Easter (or whatever)."

I also like the idea of the RV - the kids would love it. Even "camping" in the summer - brothers and kids in a tent and you in the kids' bedroom.[/quote]

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