Reply to My MIL and FIL never let DH and I visit BIL and SIL alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm surprised so many people think that OP has any role to play in this whatsoever.

It is BIL/SIL's house.  THEY get to decide who to host and when.  THEY are letting this happen, presumably because they are OK with it.  (OP said nothing about them having an issue.  And also, they could be the ones telling MIL/FIL.)

The most OP or her DH could do is express to BIL/SIL that they would love to visit with just those two families.  Or invite BIL/SIL over to their own house and not let MIL/FIL come.[/quote]

If OP and SIL are as close as she says this would be so easy to sort out. She would have no issues bringing that point up in advance so they can go their massage or nails done or whatever. This isn't the usual situation where the SILs are barely on speaking terms.[/quote]

PP here and I think we are agreeing?

Absolutely, OP or her DH could say to them "We really would love to come visit and have it just be us" or "Can we make time to do things just the two of us while MIL/FIL are also visiting?"

But what they can't/shouldn't do it try to dictate whether FIL/MIL can be there.  It isn't their home.

My point is that OP should be talking to her BIL/SIL, not her FIL/MIL.[/quote]

We don't know for sure who is spilling the beans. It could be OPs own husband. But this could easily be resolved with a conversation between OP and her SIL who aren't the blood relatives and are supposedly very close. Because it seems most obvious OPs husband or the BIL is the one talking to the in-laws, their own parents.  It's less likely OP and the SIL are going out of their way to keep the in-laws up to date on all their plans.[b] OP doesn't need to walk on eggshells and make meek suggestions to her SIL. [/b]I don't agree that the "most" she could is express a wish to visit alone, I think she can speak openly to her. They can both agree before hand to keep it secret and not even tell the husbands until a few days prior. But, that's all too easy and somehow it's got to be dramatic for OP so she has something to complain about.[/quote]

PP here.  I wasn't suggesting she walk on eggshells or be meek.  I do think she should have a frank conversation.

I did find an area of disagreement between us- I see no reason to start with concealing and deception (from their spouses even!) as a first course of action.  IF the hosts don't want both the parents and the OP's family to be there, they should transparently say that to FIL/MIL.  There has been no indication on this thread that ANYBODY has even tried to have a candid conversation with these people.  Start there.[/quote]

OP can have a deal breaker. If she finds out the in-laws are coming then the trip is off. Because that's not the type of trip she wants. She likewise shouldn't be subjected to a a "surprise!" visit. But all of this is avoided with simple conversations and it appears that never happens. For unknown reasons. "If MIL/FIL are coming, then we are not" would avoid all of this but instead OP slinks off to the cold concrete basement and suffers in silence. Why?[/quote]

PP you are quoting.  I'm unable to determine whether you are agreeing with what I wrote, disagreeing, or just making an entirely different point.  If so, why did you quote this post?[/quote]

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