Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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Reply to "If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I really believe all moms need some time away from their kids for themselves. Some kids sleep 12 hours a night and that’s enough for the mom, some dads are good about really taking over but if you don’t have that having a TV least a few hours of paid child care makes a difference. My kids barely sleep and my DH works a lot so I don’t feel like myself unless I have some paid help. To me, doing that is self care because I do it for myself. I do choose to work PT during that time because I like my work and I like the connection with people in that field. But even if I didn’t work I would need time apart from my kids. It’s only now that I am starting to be able to have adult conversations when my kids are around (there are some mild SN at play so that’s part of it) and I really need that. I don’t think of myself as a martyr because I do those things for myself, though I try  hard to make sure they are not at the detriment of my kids (using the best childcare that I can find, limiting the hours enough that I still spend lots of time with them and can take them to therapies etc.)

But there truth is, if I’m being honest, sometimes the balance gets a bit off and something isn’t working. It turns out that the childcare isn’t right for some reason or something else happens. You have to trust yourself that you will fix it. I have had to correct over the years, and cut back in different ways and stay up to late during transition periods so my kids are still getting what they need during the day. It’s ok. You will still be a good mom if something isn’t just right for a little bit. You won’t let your kid suffer, and it’s good for them to have to compromise a little bit sometimes on small things like no you can’t do a third day of gymnastics because I need a night I’m not driving people somewhere. They need to hear that your needs are part of the equation.[/quote]

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