Reply to How to help kids not date/marry people who trash talk their folks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH and I both come from dysfunctional, sometimes abusive families and one of the reasons we wound up together is that when one of us would talk about our families in less than glowing terms, the other one was willing to listen and believe what was being said, instead of turning up their nose in distaste.

Some people come from messed up families. Some people have bad parents. They need to be with partners who understand that dynamic and will support them in healing. If you want your kids to marry people who come from families with good parents, fine, I get it. But saying you "don't trust" people who speak negatively of their families is the wrong tack. Your kids might wind up marrying someone who never has a negative word to say about their abusive parents. Trust me when I tell you that is much more of a red flag.[/quote]

Not the OP.

I see what the OP is talking about.  If someone overshares about their family, and it is all negative, that is a bad sign to me.  Unless we're intimately involved or besties for life, I shouldn't know your deepest darkest thoughts about your parents and/or sibs and/or anyone else in your family.  When someone blurts out that stuff or brings it up constantly, it is off-putting and really not any of my business.  I would turn away, too.[/quote]

A bad sign for what, if you aren't dating them? Like what do you think will happen if you are friends or acquaintances with someone who has a negative relationship with their family?[/quote]

Life isn't all about mates and dating.  If you are friends with someone who has a negative relationship with their family, you need to think about WHY they have that negative relationship and does it say more about them or their family?  Maybe that person once had a good and healthy relationship with them but then their own unhealthy habits caused them to move into a negative and unhealthy relationship.  Will that eventually come to pass in your relationship with them?

Don't blindly assume that the person you're friends with is telling the full truth about their family.  Don't have tunnel vision.  Take it all with a grain of salt.  And be aware of forming a relationship with anyone who is constantly at odds with one person or another.  That kind of unhappiness cannot be cured by you and will likely mean a lot of trouble for you.  Let that person go.[/quote]

+1000 I have a narcissist sister who trash talks us to her friends all the time. I know this because she tells me how “shocked” they are at some perceived slight by us. They don’t realize how horrible she is in real life. [/quote]

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