Reply to Helping DS, 8, make peace with not being one of the popular boys.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DS is a rising 3rd grader and very smart.  He does great in academics and some sports but is small (10th percentile) and wears glasses.  He is a really great kid - kind, inclusive, and outgoing.  But he is not part of the bigger, rougher, popular boys groups at either school or swim team and I know he wants to be desperately. He does have some good friends but I can see that he longs to be part of the popular boys group.

What can I tell him to make him feel better about who he is?  I know it will all even out by high school and college but I hate seeing him wanting to be something he just isn’t.  [/quote]

I just read through this thread and want to quote your original post because I think you are seeing this issue pretty clearly and are not hung up on your own ideas of popularity as others have suggested. Some kids are popular and some are not, and the ones who recognize this are the ones that seem to be more observant and understand that social acceptance is important. People like to say that kids should be themselves and not care what others think, but life isn’t fun if you are not part of a social group.

It sounds like you are not worried about the long term because your son is kind, athletic, and academic. But you are worried about the short term because you don’t want him to think of himself as less worthy or be unable to enjoy his current friends as much as he should. Many people have suggested activities to get involved with. I would concentrate more on discussing what qualities make a good friend. Good friends make you feel comfortable being yourself. They are interested in your ideas and activities. They are thinking about your feelings as much as you are thinking about theirs. Instead of trying to make him feel better that he doesn’t need to be friends with a certain group of boys, I would emphasize how terrific the friends that he does have are. Talk about your own friends and why you value them. [/quote]

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