Reply to Not helping adult children because we want them to make it on their own?

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[quote=Anonymous]It is tricky, but I think your instinct is right.

When my DD started college, the school offered a talk for parents about how their relationship with their child should change with this transition. They gave the example of the kid calling home to get ideas for a paper topic. They said that even if it would have been normal in high school for you to brainstorm ideas with them, now you should say, "Why don't you make an appointment with the Research Librarian at your school to research a good paper topic."

They were encouraging us to wean our kids off of reaching out to us for every little thing, so they could learn to stand on their own two feet. The school was trying o turn out independent adults and wanted us to all row in the same direction.

Your daughter will need a lot of confidence to be a physician. Everyone benefits from learning how to access the resources available to them. So, I think you should find a way to communicate your rationale/goals with your daughter.

It will probably be rough for her to understand. Just show her ways you are still there for her, but that you KNOW how capable she is and would love to hear all about the leads she is turning up on her own. That will make her feel proud, and confident that she does not NEED you two to get by. Good luck (you sound like thoughtful and caring parents).[/quote]

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