Reply to How to tell my mom to stop talking about my marriage and DH

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[quote=Anonymous]So much good advice from other 2nd-gen Asian Americans already, but adding another voice:

- it is weird and disrespectful as hell for your husband not to pay for groceries. I’m actually having a hard time wrapping my mind around it not being an intentional dig or reaction to you mother’s obvious contempt
- on top of the issues people have already brought up about prioritizing your mother over your marriage, it also seems like there is some serious enmeshment between you and your mother (ask me how I know). You can’t even tell her not to shit talk your kid’s other grandma TO YOUR KID. There’s also a lot of fatalistic “it has to be this way” or “this is the best solution” and continuing to deny any responsibility for how your marriage turns out - because you feel incapable of making mommy mad or disappointed or you feel indebted to her- will destroy any hope of reconciliation.
- finally and related to the above, I wonder if you are hesitant to break out of the enmeshment with your mother because you are afraid your marriage will fail anyway, and you feel you will need her in case that happens.

The phrase “the grass is greener where you water it” is actually pretty apt here. The first step is recognizing that having your mother live with you is a CHOICE that you are actively making day after day, and that YOUR CHOICE is rotting your family away. [/quote]

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