Reply to Why do we judge men who don’t work more harshly than women?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here - some of this is because, in general, women who stay home do a lot of the little unpaid tasks that add up to a lot. My SAHM DW to an 11 and 14 year old does almost all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, homeroom mom, etc. etc. that adds up to probably something like a 6 hour shift. She has it easier than I do now at my biglaw job but when the kids were little, her days were more of a slog than mine.

But if she weren't doing all of those things, I would judge her as lazy.

Also, a lot of it is biology. I have never seen this situation work in reverse (biglaw woman partner with SAH DH). I think men take pride in providing for their families, and women get resentful if their DH isn't working. I think female attraction over the long term is hard enough and they lose attraction if their man isn't working outside the home. "lack of ambition" or how ever you want to phrase it. I am not saying this is fair but it seems very consistent[/quote]

Don’t disagree with this but as a working mom just wanted to chime in that I also do all the things you describe your wife do and same number of kids. Would not say is a 6 hour shift [/quote]

I have a housekeeper that does all of the cooking, cleaning, errand running, laundry, grocery shopping, and home maintenance stuff.  She works 8am-1pm five days a week.  She seems pretty busy.

[/quote]

ohhhhh! You’re right - all working moms without a housekeeper are wrong. It’s truly not possible to take care of your family and work an 8-9 hour shift. Ty for enlightening us all. Side note - instacart! Wonderful invention. [/quote]

No.  I’m just saying that if you add it up, between you and your husband, you are probably spending 20-30 hours a week on cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, yardwork, and home maintenance.  You can do that and still work 8 hours a day.  
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We are absolutely not doing 20-30 hours a week of these things. Unless you have an estate and five kids [/quote]

Well, getting groceries, preparing food every day, and cleaning up afterward is probably 10 hours/wk.  Cleaning the house top to bottom is about 4 hours/week.  Laundry is about 2 hours/week.  Caring for the yard is about 2 hours/wk.  That’s 18 hours before you have done any of the little things that take 5-10 minutes a day (ie.  taking out the trash, making your bed) or any of the bigger things that take more time (hiring our major home repairs, doing minor home repairs, organizing/decluttering).

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t spend at least an hour most days and a few hours on the weekend doing these things unless they hire them out.  
 [/quote]

I’d agree with 1 hour a day. Not 20-30 a week. Also - again - instacart. Saving the $20 on delivery is not worth the hours you are saying it takes to get groceries in 2022 unless you are very low income and in that case should be working [/quote]

People dilly dally to waste time and call it “doing work”. If your in michaels multiple times a year it’s a hobby not work.[/quote]

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